


You've Really Got A Hold On Me

by Mil_Tries



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Band Fic, F/F, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mil_Tries/pseuds/Mil_Tries
Summary: Josie was gay. Like so gay, like roaringly gay. She always knew it but she didn’t know it until she was watching Penelope Park from this close up.orThe Josie in a Folk/Punk Band-Penelope in a Soul/Rock Band AU no one asked for.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Picture Josie as Lucy Dacus and Penelope as like Joss Stone ish. No one really wanted this but I did and it turned out gayer than I thought. I just have a thing for musicians okay? It's a whole thing. Sorry in advanced for typos.

Penelope Park is a ball of nerves disguised as an effortless bad ass. She stands in the wings of the festival stage, listening to the performance before, a band called The Urns, finish up their set. She wipes her hands on her black jeans for about the hundredth time.

Penelope may have been performing her whole life, but she still, without fail, got nerves the hour before every show. Her heart races, her breathing shortens, her hands sweat. It’s all just a part of the gig. She worries if she ever stopped, it would mean she needed to find another career. One that challenged her more, kept her on her toes.

There was nothing like the thrill of getting on stage. Of seeing fans sing along, seeing eyes begging her to speak words that helped them understand themselves. There was so much pressure, and yet she loved it. Loved the feeling of closing her eyes and just locking herself into a song, into the feeling that forced her to write it.

This show is no exception. She’s excited to get out there, to channel her nerves into a fun performance. While Pasture Palooza is low-key, it’s one of her favorite festivals. She loves playing in Virginia, found the people kind and the energy contagious. She loved the indie scene way more. Everyone here is just focused on the music and that’s what Penelope breathes for.

Kaleb approaches her as The Urns finish up their set. He puts his arm around Penelope’s shoulders. Jed comes up and puts his arm around her as well, rounding out the group. They all grin at each other, dumb idiots excited to get out there.

“We’ve got this,” Kaleb says, all confident smiles and unshakable energy. Penelope grins at his enthusiasm.

“Hell yeah we do,” the other two respond in their traditional way.

Jed smiles, “We’re gonna make this show our bitch.” 

“Hell yeah we are.”

“Fuck anyone who doesn’t think we’re great.”

“Fuck them.” They jump around a bit, getting amped. It’s their personal way of putting on a false front, of shaking the nerves. They grin in a secret way, in a way that says we don’t know how we got this lucky, a group of three damaged twenty-four year old kids, suddenly thrown into the spotlight.

They all know they’re terrified, none of them say it, trying desperately to ride this high, regardless of their insecurities.

Just as they’re being announced Kaleb shoots a shit eating grin her way. That grin fills Penelope with dread, she’s seen it enough times to know that nothing good comes out of Kaleb’s mouth when it’s around.

“What,” Penelope demands, ready to get it over with.

“The Malivores are here. I saw MG walking around, caught up with him and what not. They have the next time slot. I bet they’ll catch our set.”

And then they’re rushing onto the stage, and Penelope is nearly tripping over her feet.

The Malivores are the darlings of the punk folk scene. Penelope has spent many a night listening to their debut album. Definitely not because she was fawning over Josie Saltzman at all. 

The fact that they were at the same event did not slip Penelope’s notice. But she hadn’t thought that that would mean that Josie Saltzman would be in the wings at any point during their set. How was she supposed to focus through that?

It’s not like the musician was some sort of loser. She didn’t get nervous around girls. Or boys, for that matter. She had people throwing themselves at her feet. She was a rockstar, a powerful, cool rockstar.

But Josie Saltzman.

With her big doe eyes and her pouty sad lips. And her perfect voice, and her heart breaking, self deprecating lyrics. Her songs made Penelope nostalgic over events she wasn’t even a part of.

They make her feel this intense sadness, like nothing she will ever write will ever touch anyone the same way those lyrics touched her.

It’s more of a talent crush really. It’s not like Penelope admires Josie “Painfully Adorable” Saltzman for any reason other than her music.

She does not care about Josie’s dimpled smile at all. 

And yet when she thinks about the fact that at some point during this performance she could glance into the wings and be greeted with the brunette in real life, she feels more nervous to perform than she had the first time she did. It’s embarrassing really.

She decides to push her emotions down. It’s a really healthy tactic that could not back fire at all. Putting on her best confident mask, Penelope takes the stage. She picks up her bass and steps to the mic as Jed gets situated behind the drums and Kaleb tunes his guitar.

The crowd screams and Penelope will never get used to it. She smiles softly and tunes, waiting patiently for them to get it out of their system. When the screams finally ebb, she speaks, “Hey everybody.”

They scream again and Penelope laughs, looking at her band, so overwhelmed by the response. They calm once more. “We’re The Occasional Villains and we’re so excited to be here,” She says. The crowd screams again and Penelope waits them out. “Here goes nothing.”

As a unit the three start the song. Penelope closes her eyes and falls into it. She focuses on singing, on telling a story. And if she keeps her eyes closed longer than normal, it’s not for fear of seeing bright brown eyes in the wings at all, it’s all exclusively about the music.

 

Josie was gay. Like so gay, like roaringly gay. She always knew it but she didn’t know it until she was watching Penelope Park from this close up.

Of course she knew who the other girl was, she had followed her for quite sometime. Josie had already fallen in love with her gravelly voice and the way it made her heart do gay little skips. Huge fan.

Josie had always loved music, since she could talk, and yet she had never felt such an intense appreciation for it until the moment she was standing in the wings of a festival somewhere in the middle of Virginia watching the most attractive girl she had ever seen effortlessly play the most soulful song she had ever heard.

It was a new song of the Villain’s and it was easily the folk singer’s new favorite as of this moment. She couldn’t even focus on the words when Penelope looked that focused and comfortable. Her fingers picked the bass effortlessly, her body swayed slowly, she smiled through her singing, and Josie was lost in it all.

Penelope Park was breathtaking.

So it was not entirely the folk singer’s fault that she didn’t hear her twin speaking to her the first time around.

“Earth to Josie,” Lizzie taunts, slapping Josie’s arm. The dark eyed twin blinks back to reality, dragging her eyes from the group on stage.

“Sorry, what’s up?” Josie questions sheepishly. Lizzie just shoots her a shit-eating grin, already aware who is on stage and why Josie is so preoccupied.

“Look Jo, I know you have a major boner for the evil songstress but we really have to do our ritual.”

Josie blushes and splutters before nodding, not even able to argue. “Right. Good,” She says, following her twin to the small area they had roped off for their band back stage. Hope, Landon, Raf, and M.G. are all chatting, waiting for Lizzie and Josie to join.

When they walk up, Hope clocks Josie’s still dreamy face immediately. “So the Penelope Park view was as good as you hoped, I presume,” She taunts. The band laughs along as Josie awkwardly nods.

“Whatever,” she blushes, “just shut up and let’s do this.” 

Thankfully, Landon takes pity on her pathetic state. He steps in close to Hope and links their arms. Hope in turn links with Lizzie, who links with MG, who links with Raf, who links with Josie, who completes the circle by linking with Landon. They all lower their heads. It is Lizzie who starts, always.

“I can almost see it. That dream I’m dreaming,” she sings. The group starts to sway. “But there’s a voice inside my head saying you’ll never reach it.”

“Every step I'm taking, every move I make feels lost, with no direction,” MG solemnly carries on, “my faith is shaken.”

“But I, I gotta keep trying. Gotta keep my head held high,” Josie sings out and the entire group chimes in for the chorus. And Josie doesn’t know where exactly the tradition of singing The Climb by Miley Cyrus came from but they do it every show. There’s something about it that just pumps them up, and yet reminds them to stay in the moment.

It’s also ridiculous. So they do it without fail.

By the end of the song, the six musicians are giggling, jumping and dragging each other in a weird dance, arms still linked. They goof around all the way back to the stage.

Josie hears the crowd singing as they return to the wings. She takes her spot back up front, watching Penelope Park intently as she sings with all her heart. Josie sees Penelope smiling, sees her jumping along to the song and something deep in her heart flutters.

Then she’s turning and then she’s looking directly at Josie.

The wink she gets from the prettiest green eyes she’s ever seen is maybe too much medically for Josie to handle.

Penelope turns away and Hope is slapping Josie on the back.

Josie could not tell you how much time passes, she’s sure she blacked out. But next thing she knows the crowd is roaring as The Villains finish up and Penelope is walking straight towards her.

Green eyes are trained to the floor and Josie is grateful, sure that she would be too flustered to perform if they weren’t. She note’s that the other girls cheeks are flushed and she’s just a little bit sweaty from the performance. She internally scolds herself for being so gay and too observant.

As Penelope passes by the folk singer feels the urge to shout out a, “Great set,” to the band. 

She’s nothing if she’s not polite. 

Josie is sure she imagines Penelope’s stumble, is sure she isn’t blushing, is sure that none of it has to do with her.

Next thing she knows, she is taking the stage, picking up a guitar and stepping up to the mic.

“Thank you all so much for coming,” She says humbly into the mic. The crowd is losing their minds. “And how good were the Villains?” She wonders. And again, they go nuts. And Josie feels so wired, she doesn’t know what to do with all the energy.

She decides she’ll channel it into a killer show. And so she does, and so it is.

One that Penelope Park watches from the wings like a love sick hawk. And if Josie catches her eyes a few times during the performance, and if once or twice the green distracts her, making her nearly drop her guitar, well than no one seems to mention it, out of fear or pity, who could say.

 

After the show, Jed somehow persuades Penelope to hit up the bar across the street from their hotel. Shows always leave the raven-haired girl exhausted and she wants nothing more to go back to her room and watch a rom com.

Maybe obsess over deep brown eyes and songs that feel like poems. Maybe not.

Except she’s sitting at a bar called Earl’s somewhere in the middle of nowhere Virginia, sipping on a vodka soda, trying to pretend she doesn’t notice the group of college kids down the bar who clearly recognize them and are trying to subtly take pictures.

Jed, ever the attention whore, picks up his beer and stands from the bar. “I’m going to go say hi,” he explains. He goes to the group, each of whom buzz with excitement at his appearance.

“We should probably go say hi as well,” Kaleb says.

“Yeah, probably.” Neither of them move. 

It’s not that Penelope doesn’t love meeting fans, she does. It’s just exhausting to have to be that confident person all the time and right now she just wants to not worry about how she’s coming across.

Apparently the universe doesn’t care what she wants.

“So I texted MG, said we should probably catch up while we’re both in Virginia,” Kaleb says.

“Oh?”

“Yeah so him and his band are coming to have a few drinks with us.” Penelope spills her drink and Kaleb snorts. “You’re going to have to be a little smoother than that Park.”

The bassist glares at her friend, accepting the towel from the bartended to wipe up the small puddle she created. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” She says, disinterested.

Kaleb’s smug smile makes Penelope want to scream. She loves Kaleb, but fuck could he be obnoxious. “Of course you don’t. Speak of the devil.”

A mass approaches quickly, making Penelope jump. Suddenly, Kaleb is wrapped in a tight hug, his face stretched into a grin. The assailant pulls back and it’s MG wearing the most endearing boyish smile the bassist has ever seen. She wasn’t really a vibes kind of person, but MG’s vibes were nothing but wholesome and warm.

“My boy,” the folk artist says, jokingly grabbing Kaleb’s face and expecting it closely. “You’re too thin. We need to get some meat on your bones. Bartender, another round for my son and his beautiful friend.” MG turns to Penelope and offers her a hand. She can’t help but grin back. “You must be Penelope. Everyone in The Malivores is a big fans of your work. Huge,” he says, kindly.

Penelope’s stomach drops, thinking of everyone in the band. She shrugs, putting on a sarcastic voice. “The Malivores? Not ringing a bell.”

MG’s grin only widens. He turns back to Kaleb. “Her savagery is strong,” He says, “I get why you guys get along.” Penelope and Kaleb laugh. “Why don’t you guys come drink with us, we have a table.” MG nods his head towards a booth in the back of the bar.

Penelope turns around at where he gestured. Her heart rate picks up when her eyes find the booth he was referencing, her eyes immediately meeting dark brown ones. She looks quickly back to MG, endlessly casual and smooth.

“We would love to, wouldn’t we P?” Kaleb answers already finishing off his last drink and picking up the new one MG ordered.

Penelope, not one to let her panic show, smoothly throws her drink back and nods. “Lead the way, folk boy.” MG laughs, his eyes light up and he orders a round of shots, scooping them up and leading the pair back to the table.

The closer Penelope gets, the louder her heartbeat sounds in her ear. She shakes her head, willing herself to be calmer.

They arrive at the table and MG sets the shots down. He smiles at his table, ever the pleasant host. “Ladies and Gentlemen, my good pal Kaleb and his better pal Penelope,” he introduces. “But you guys already know them.” He stares at Josie as he says it, Penelope tries not to read anything into it. “This is my band. Landon, Rafael, Lizzie, Hope and Josie.”

It’s Lizzie who responds to MG’s formal introduction first, “We are not your band loser. We just barely let you in.”

Lizzie’s eyes give her joke away. MG just grins.

“We tried to hire a million other people but for some mysterious reason we couldn’t get any bites,” Hope jokes.

“It’s because no one else wanted to be in a band with this many dumb idiots. I have the patience of a saint,” MG quips back.

Josie snorts, “You burnt your tongue multiple times on a hot pocket this morning because you couldn’t wait for it to cool down.”

Penelope likes them. Likes following their banter, the way they’re all jokingly mean to each other. She feels comfortable here and it surprises her.

Granted she isn’t too comfortable. She doesn’t think she could be given how many times she’s pictured kissing one of the people in the group before ever even meeting her.

“Jo, you noticing my every move is getting a bit sad. I’m in a committed relationship. With the hustle, and also your sister. Please get over it. Find somebody new…” MG says.

“Penelope,” Lizzie interrupts. Josie coughs on her drink and Penelope almost drops her own. “Would you like to sit?” Lizzie plays it off as a simple coincidence that she chose that moment to blurt out Penelope’s name.

The bassist and the brown haired twin compete for reddest face.

Landon steps in, easing the tension, “Yeah, both of you sit. We were just about to start a drinking game.”

Penelope pulls herself together, feigning confidence better than she ever has in her life. “You mean you were all about to lose a drinking game, huh?” She jokes. She plops down in the booth next to Josie, perhaps over compensating a little too much. She curses her hubris a moment later when, instead of taking the empty seat across the table like any sane person would, Kaleb decides it’s a good idea to settle himself next to Penelope, forcing the entire booth to slide over.

This leaves Penelope pressed fairly tightly up against Josie. This also leaves Penelope very aware of every single thing her body is doing, from what her fidgeting hands look like to whether or not she is breathing too hard.

Everyone in the booth looks mighty proud of themselves. If Penelope knew everyone a little bit better she would maybe try to murder a few of them, if only to witness the fall of their stupid smug grins.

Starting with Hope Mikaelson.

“The name of the game is Never Have I Ever,” the red head says. “If you’ve done it you drink, easy as pie. Let’s do these shots to loosen the tongues.” She throws back her shot and everyone follows suit. “Now, I’ll go first. Never have I ever had a crush on one of the people sitting here.” She wiggles her eyebrows, looking at Landon. They share a secret smile and both take a swig of their drink. MG grins at Lizzie and does the same. She rolls her eyes and follows suit.

When Raf takes a drink, MG points out that his crush on Josie was so long ago it hardly counts. Penelope feels a small flash of envy that she knows she has no right to feel.

“You didn’t say they had to be requited or recent. Middle school was a hard time for us all,” the tall boy says, self-deprecatingly. Penelope feels her jealousy instantly leak from her body.

Not willing to lie, she takes a drink, hoping that there are enough people that no one notices.

Penelope makes it out alive. However, when Josie takes a drink, she does not go undetected.

“Why Josie, who here did you have a crush on?” Lizzie asks, evilly. “Not me, obvs, and not Raf as established. Landon’s too brooding, MG’s too chipper. Hope, well it’s possible, but she’s basically family. Now I’m not too good at math but who does that leave?”

Penelope chances a glance and sees Josie’s face is burning. This group is about as subtle as a brick through a window. The bassist curses how insensitive this group is. And also silently thanks the heavens for it. She decides to intervene, “Never have I ever dated anyone here.”

She gets out most of the group. Then Kaleb goes, “Never have I ever dabbled in homosexuality.” The group laughs. Penelope takes a hearty drink. So does Josie. And Lizzie. And Hope, and Landon. And Penelope is shocked to learn that much but also delighted.

The raven haired girl drinks because she has had her ears pierced, has had a tattoo, has lived abroad, has hooked up with multiple people on the same day, has hooked up with someone outdoors, and has done drugs that aren’t weed.

When Jed, returned from his meet and greet, says, “Never have I ever wanted to kiss someone in this bar tonight,” Penelope calls bullshit but takes a healthy sip anyway. Because who is she to lie about how strong the urge to kiss the pretty girl pushed against her side is. 

And when Josie drinks too, Penelope tries not to hope about what it all could mean.

It’s not long before she has to pee, and even though MG yells about not breaking the seal, she excuses herself anyway. Inside the bathroom, she splashes some water over her face, realizing that she’s tipsy, and how bad that could be for making a good and cool impression.

She takes a big breath and checks her hair in the mirror, steadying herself before leaving the bathroom.

She opens the door and is greeted by big, bright brown eyes, and a lazy smile pulled across pouty lips.

“Hey,” Penelope says, quietly.

“Hi,” Josie says back.

“Hey, I meant to tell you that your set was awesome today. Like, crazy good.”

Penelope’s heart melts at the surprise and excitement in Josie’s eyes. “Yeah? Thank you so much. That’s crazy. We’re all a really big fan of your album.”

And Penelope is taken aback. Because Josie Saltzman is the prettiest girl she has ever seen and her voice is the prettiest voice she has ever heard. And she is a fan of Penelope’s album. And wow, Penelope is drunk.

Or maybe it’s just being close to Josie that’s making her feel like she’s glowing. And she wants to tell her that but she doesn’t.

“Thanks. Well, I should get back.”

“Yeah.”

Penelope takes a few steps. Then stops. Josie Saltzman just told her she liked her album. And she looked at Penelope with a twinkle in her eye. And all night long her friends were not so subtly hinting that maybe she had a crush on Penelope, and the bassist wasn’t stupid, was she? Because it seemed kind of like Josie liked her. Romantically. Penelope was usually really good at picking up clues from women, can usually tell from a mile off if a girl wants to sleep with her. But this is Josie Saltzman. And Penelope is a little drunk.

So she decides to be bold. Because if you can’t be brave at two in the morning outside a bathroom in a bar in the middle of Virginia, then when can you be brave?

“For the record, when I drank about wanting to kiss someone in the bar, I was drinking because I wanted to kiss you,” she blurts, turning back to the folk singer.

Josie looks dumbstruck. She opens her mouth but no words come out.

“I think your set was obnoxiously good today. I think you’re very talented and I also find you aggressively attractive.”

“You do?” The taller girl asks.

“Yeah. And I know that I probably sounded really confident right then but that was actually terrifying to say so if you’re not interested, I understand, not everyone is going to be interested in me, but if you could not tell everyone this just happened that would be great because I kind of have this cool reputation going on and Kaleb-“

Before Penelope can finish her ramble, Josie pulls her into the tiny bathroom and pushes her against the door, attaching their lips hungrily. 

Penelope kisses back like it’s her god damn job.

It’s all pulling hands, and desperate touches, and she’s kissing Josie Saltzman in the bathroom of a bar owned by a man named Earl. 

If you had told her this is where she would end up this morning, she would have laughed you from the country.

Penelope tries her hardest to not focus on the fact that being pressed against the door of a dirty bar bathroom by the folk singer feels an awful lot like home.

 

Josie was gay like so gay.

Like having to actively stop herself from blurting out a marriage proposal in Earl’s gay.

And if she maybe kissed Penelope a little more thoroughly than she would normally kiss someone she just met, well she would chalk it all up to serendipity.

Because kissing Penelope Park felt a lot like fate. Even if she knew that it was MG’s idiot self that made this whole night happen.

She would have to thank the dummy later.

When Penelope spins Josie into the door and takes control, she feels light headed. When she pushes her up onto the sink, she nearly faints. When Penelope Park asks Josie back to her hotel room, Josie swears she must be dreaming.

Because what even was happening. And who did she complete a quest for in a past life to be given this blessed opportunity?

She would be an idiot to turn it down. So she doesn’t.

Sneaking from a bar hand and hand with Penelope Park in the middle of rural Virginia to avoid having to explain anything to her friends feels achingly familiar.

Josie thinks it must have happened a thousand times in a different universe.

Josie hopes it will happen a thousand times in this one too. Because Penelope Park was a perfect song, a melody that seems so simple and yet is constantly surprising. Josie would give anything to write it down, have it recorded to listen on repeat forever, learn the exact placement of every last note.

But if that was too much to ask for, she would settle on a familiar feeling night in a Best Western she’s never been too. For now.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wishes she felt less for Josie, wishes she could just hook up with her whenever the stars aligned and they were in the same city, wishes she could act on the aggressive and unfortunate attraction she felt towards the folk singer without it meaning something. But anything with Josie will always mean everything. That is the big, terrifying, and stupid truth of it all.
> 
> And that’s a lot to confront at 24. So Penelope just doesn’t.
> 
> Or
> 
> Part 2 of the folk singer/alt rock singer AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This follows a bit of a gap. Penelope broke up with Josie because she's a dramatic little scaredy cat. For good reason. They are young and being young and in love is mad scary kids.

With a quick conversation in a random hotel room Penelope ends it. It’s a blur of “I’m not ready’s.” and “This is too much, we’re too young’s.”

It has been months without incident so Josie curses this relapse here and now. She hadn’t let herself even look at Penelope’s instagram since the break up but something about today was making it impossible to resist.

Maybe it was the hint of fall finally in the air after a suffocating summer, maybe it was the sweater she had pulled out with her fall clothes that she used to wear near constantly, maybe it was a familiar song stuck in her head.

It didn’t matter what caused it, what matters is the fact that Josie is sitting on her couch in pajamas watching videos of The Occasional Villains in the middle of a fucking Tuesday.

Josie hates Penelope but she hates how her heart aches watching her sing even more.

Because Penelope is infuriatingly good. If Josie’s being honest, she isn’t even mad that the Villains are blowing up. They deserve every inch of their success. Josie is decent enough to wish that for her ex, and desperately hopes that the black haired girl wishes it for her in return.

She knows in her heart of hearts that Penelope does and always would.

The thing that pisses her off so much is how calm Penelope looks in all of these videos. Josie envies her ability to conceal her emotions more than anything.

Josie watches a video of Penelope covering “Kozmic Blues” by Janis Joplin and the folk singer swears she’s never seen anyone she’s more attracted to in her life. Her mind does back flips trying to convince itself that this is the same girl who calls Josie , “JoJo,” who baked her a cake just because she had period cramps, and who could quote full Grey’s Anatomy Arizona Robbin’s speeches at her word for word.

Nothing seems to add up anymore.

The cover ends and even though she thinks hearing Penelope speak may hurt more than hearing her sing, Josie clicks on the next video. It’s a casual interview of the band for Pitchfork. They all look stylish and it makes Josie sad. She wishes that they could all be back on someone’s tour bus, wearing PJs and playing Mario Cart. She misses Kaleb and Jed and the easy way they seemed to all get each other, the Malivores and the Villains. Just a group of kids, scared and excited for what the future has in store for them.

Josie watches, laughing at Kaleb’s charm and Jed’s dumb oaf act. She snorts at Penelope’s digs and it hurts more with every laugh.

When the interviewer sobers the interview a bit, Josie’s breathing quiets, she stills, afraid for what’s coming. “A lot of people were a bit surprised by the tone of this album. It seems to make a shift somewhere within it. It feels like the beginning is a sort of celebration, the end a kind of rut. I think often people expect albums to be the opposite of that. Can you explain a bit about the inspiration behind that?”

And there it is, huh? Because Josie knows exactly the answer to this question. Her relationship with the bassist had really mirrored it all. Josie had felt the exact emotionally journey the album detailed personally. Front and center. VIP passes.  
But Penelope wouldn’t say that, would she? Because then she would have to admit she had felt something and Penelope Park was smooth, calm, unaffected.

Except Josie sees it. Could read every emotion of the thick skulled girl on her laptop screen. When Penelope is asked about the emotions behind the album Josie sees the fear. And the reluctance to open up. And so she does what she always does and doesn’t.

“You know, we don’t like to say the album is about any one thing because it’s really about what it means to you. If you think this album is about love than it is. If you think it’s about a family of turtles than it is. It’s truly what you want.” Kaleb cracks up at the turtle bit and Penelope smirks, looking overly pleased with herself.

And Josie wants to wipe it off her face. Because that is a load of bullshit.

Josie knows Penelope for what she is, a scared kid, afraid of commitment, afraid to want something because of the fact that she may not get it. So she plays it safe. She puts on a mask and keeps everything controlled. She breaks people’s hearts.

Josie is so lost in thought she doesn’t notice the next video queuing up. 

When MG walks in Josie doesn’t even have the energy to be embarrassed. She looks at him with tears in her eyes and he walks over and gives her a hug.

“Bud, bad move. I thought we agreed you weren’t going to watch any Villain videos. Ever,” MG says, half joking half soothing and soft.

Josie sniffles, “Welp, news flash, I’m an idiot. A pathetic idiot,” she deadpans. 

MG chuckles, “I wouldn’t say pathetic. Idiot for sure but I don’t pity you. I think this is just normal. We would all do it in the same situation.”

Josie sniffles again, “She’s just so pretty.”

“I know.”

“I hate her.”

“You don’t.”

And Josie has tears falling in her eyes, a true hot mess. She doesn’t hate Penelope but she so desperately wishes she does. Because hate is a much more manageable emotion than whatever the hell this is. “Yeah,” she says softly and MG just sits with her making her laugh until all of this passes.

Finally, after a particularly funny story involving Landon and a diving board, Josie sits up, wiping her face while mid laugh.

“I am a wreck, MG,” she says, “I don’t know how the hell next week is going to go.”

MG grins, ever the shit eater. “Girl,” He starts, “you will march in there with your pretty little face held high. Penelope Park won’t know what hit her.”

Josie thanks the universe for Milton Greasley, not for the first time and not for the last.

 

It was inevitable. They ran in more or less the same circles, increasingly so since seeing each other. Penelope knows she can’t avoid Josie forever. She just thought it would be at a planned event like the cover session next week. Not at a random bar when she was flirting with a random bartender.

Penelope was just talking to the girl, some random who said she’d heard the album. She didn’t want anything to come from it. But the way the girl giggled at everything the bassist said, regardless of if it was funny or not, made Penelope linger by the bar slightly longer than she would have. Jed and Kaleb could wait, their table wasn’t going anywhere.

Penelope was half listening to the girl’s, Claire she thinks, story about her college roommate when her phone buzzes. She glances down but sees it’s a message from Jed, teasing her for flirting probably. She locks the screen and tries to listen to the girl again.

If she was honest she’d admit that she finds Claire rather boring. She wasn’t, she was quite pretty and interesting. But her lack of dark brown eyes and full pouty lips and cute little dimples and perfectly sharp brows did very little for Penelope.

She wonders when she became this pathetic. The old Penelope would never pine after a girl that she called it off with months ago. 

But Josie was more than just some girl, and she wasn’t easy to forget. Penelope remembered her every time she ate apples and peanut butter, every time she watched a cheesy rom com on the tour bus, every time one of her ex’s literal songs cropped up on the radio.

It felt like Josie Saltzman was everywhere. Including, but not limited to, this very bar.

When someone elbows up next to her at the crowded bar, Penelope’s immediate reaction is to be pissed. When she sees who it is her blood turns to ice.

She panics, not ready to see Josie, not having enough time to craft her devil may care facade. Evidently, Penelope doesn’t have to worry about what her ex will say to her, the folk singer ignores her presence all together.

“A vodka pineapple and a jack and coke,” Josie states. Penelope knows without the other girl even needing to look at her that she’s pissed. Her words come out forced, and the lack of a please and thank you in her requests suggests that Josie is dangerously close to throwing hands. Penelope wonders if the anger is at the flirting or just her own presence in general.

Claire raises an eyebrow but goes about making the drinks, possibly sensing something brewing.

Josie taps her fingers on the bar, intent on ignoring Penelope. And it’s all a little ridiculous, isn’t it? Because here Josie is, not a foot from her, something Penelope has literally and figuratively dreamed about for the past month, and she is pretending like the bassist doesn’t exist.

She gets it, truly. She knows she isn’t entitled to Josie’s attention, especially not after breaking things off. But she still wants it more than anything in the world.

She wishes she felt less for Josie, wishes she could just hook up with her whenever the stars aligned and they were in the same city, wishes she could act on the aggressive and unfortunate attraction she felt towards the folk singer without it meaning something. But anything with Josie will always mean everything. That is the big, terrifying, and stupid truth of it all.

And that’s a lot to confront at 24. So Penelope just doesn’t.

Penelope clears her throat, readying herself to pretend that Josie isn’t there. And that seems to set Josie off, much to Penelope’s amusement and dismay.

“Really? Flirting with the bartender? Real classy,” the brunette snaps.

“I wasn’t flirting.”

“I know what Penelope Park flirting looks like. It’s embarrassingly obvious and without talent.”

“Seemed to work on you.” Penelope can’t seem to stop herself when it comes to Josie. She never thinks, she just reacts. That’s potentially the most dangerous part of it all.

“Fuck you.” And it hurts, but the bassist deserves it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even know you were in the city let alone that you would be here,” Penelope apologizes quietly.

“Whatever. You can flirt with whoever you want. I don’t care. I’m here with someone anyway,” Josie leans her back against the bar and finds her date with her eyes while she speaks.

“Really, that guy?” Penelope asks, when her eyes find the blonde guy Josie is clearly talking about. He looks a proper douche and Penelope’s veins boil.

“Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“The judgement. It’s not needed.”

“You could do better.”

Josie studies her and Penelope focuses back on her drink, brown eyes rendering her a nervous wreck.

“You don’t get to be jealous, Pen. It’s not your place anymore,” Josie says, defensively. And obviously she’s right. But the implication that she’s supposed to just be unaffected by it all rubs Penelope the wrong way.

“You know, I can’t just turn off my feelings for you. I didn’t break up with you because I wanted to,” Penelope remembers her place and looks around, lowering her voice, “I did it because it didn’t make sense. Logistically, we couldn’t have the type of relationship we wanted. And deep down you know that too.”

“Deep down I know that you’re scared. Scared to have feelings and afraid of putting effort into a relationship because you’re a control freak.”

“I’m not scared.”

“You are. You write all these songs about these big emotional experiences but you’re afraid to talk about any of them! You hide behind the music and this vagueness and your persona but I know that it’s all because you’re too scared to admit that you have feelings for me and that’s not something you can control,” Josie says matter of factly. And that’s the most terrifying part of it all. Because here Penelope was thinking she had a good poker face but evidently not.

Claire comes back and places Josie’s drinks on the counter. Penelope notices the way her hand shakes slightly as she passes her card. She knows that Josie surprised even herself with the outburst. It almost makes Penelope not say what she does next. But she’s nothing if not guarded, and skilled at pushing buttons.

“I think you are over estimating my feelings for you.” And the hurt flashes across Josie’s face but it doesn’t make Penelope feel any safer. Before she can apologize, something in Josie’s eyes set.

“Keep telling yourself that, Pen. Maybe if you lie to yourself enough, you’ll actually believe it.”

Josie walks away. Penelope feels like she might as well be sitting at the bar naked for how exposed she feels.

The bassist startles at a hand on her shoulder. She turns to see Jed. “I tried to warn you that she was here,” he apologizes, and Penelope forces a smile.

“There’s truly no preparing for Josie Saltzman, is there?” She asks sadly. Jed smiles and shakes his head.

 

Josie gets drunker than she intended with Adam. She had come back from the bar down right rattled and he had noticed, assuming it was nerves about the date.

She felt bad for the guy, truly she did, because the date became nothing more than a get drunk and try to make Penelope jealous session.

She wasn’t proud of it. But 24 was a time to be an idiot. And Josie was nothing if not a 24 year old idiot with a Penelope Park problem. 

Somewhere between the fourth and fifth drink, Josie can’t hold her pee any longer. She stands from their little secluded table. Out of the corner of her eye she catches green eyes tracking her movement. Every action has an equal reaction, which leads to Josie putting her hand on Adam’s arm, leaning closer than she needs to, whispering in his ear.

“I’ll be right back,” She whispers. And when she pulls away Adam’s face is dopey. And when her eyes search out another person’s across the bar, she finds green eyes trained to the ground, looking, if anything, upset.

Guilt washes over Josie. She quickly walks to the bathroom, hating Penelope for making her feel guilty. Hating Penelope for turning her into some ditzy jack ass who uses people to make other people jealous.

In the bathroom, Josie splashes water on her face, trying to get her head on right. She steels herself for another hour or so with Adam before she can claim an early morning ahead of her and make her escape.

She walks out of the bathroom and almost barrels into Penelope. And it’s all a lot.

“This is familiar,” she blurts, hoping to see Penelope’s smile, and hoping the sight will absolve her guilt.

Penelope doesn’t smile, instead she looks pissed.

“You know if you’re trying to make me jealous it isn’t working.”

And usually the lie would piss Josie off, but it’s so obvious she finds it endearing. Penelope is a horrible liar, and drunk Josie can’t help but be charmed. 

Penelope snorts, going for unaffected, “Plus I’m sure that dude is a horrible date. He looks-“

Josie cuts Penelope off with a kiss. This fucking girl drives her crazy, she can’t seem to stop herself. And when the bassist kisses back immediately Josie wants to cry.

Because why is this what they’ve become? They could be so much better than this, then hurting each other and skulking around in empty corners.

Ever the idiot, Josie swipes her tongue across Penelope’s bottom lip and with a sigh the green eyed girl grants her access.

And sure she would regret it in the morning, and possibly even more next week when they had to see each other in a professional context, but for right now, Josie was going to make out with her ex outside the bathroom of another trashy bar.

When a random girl bumps into them, Penelope jumps back as if a firehouse was turned on her. She makes eye contact with Josie and for the briefest of moments, the brunette hopes that Penelope will say something that will change something. Instead she just runs an unsteady hand through her deliciously messy hair and walks from the corridor.

Josie swallows her disappointment, takes a minute to collect herself, steps back into the bathroom to wipe Penelope’s lipgloss from her lips, and walks back to the main bar space. The bassist has left with Kaleb. Josie locks eyes with Jed who just shrugs sadly. She nods, confirming something to herself.

Penelope Park is a coward. But at least Josie knows she’s not indifferent.

With a deep breath Josie goes to make her excuses to Adam. Then she takes a car alone to a hotel room she’s never been to before and will never be in again.

 

Penelope was probably going to throw up. Seeing Josie again was terrifying. And when you were supposed to be a bad ass, being terrified was not really a good look. She wishes she didn’t have to be here, wishes Dorian didn’t just sign them up for things like this.

Because now, she’s stuck sitting here in an uncomfortable chair in a freezing cold studio, watching her ex… Josie and her possibly ex possibly current friends tune their instruments in a live radio lounge.

They had gotten five up and coming bands, each slated to do a live cover for this popular indie station, WEQX. If Penelope had known that she would have to spend an hour in a small space with Josie she would have said no.

Because seeing Josie’s dimples up close, and her hair and her ginormous brown eyes made Penelope forget all the reasons she had broken them up in the first place. Who cared about distance and being mature when Penelope was in the same room with Josie and could remember exactly what it felt like to have her lips on her own.

She hadn’t stopped replaying the bar for the entire week leading up to today. It was all too fresh, and if Josie pulled another say anything on her, she would quite possibly throw every bit of pride she had out the window right here and now. She didn’t have the strength to go toe to toe with Josie anymore. Resisting her was exhausting recently.

Penelope waits with bated breath as the Malivores are introduced. They smile politely and then start the song, Landon with a guitar rift, Lizzie with a smooth bass rift, MG playing straight on the piano, Rafael poised unusually with a trumpet, and Hope with a steady old school beat.

Josie opens her mouth and sings, “I don’t like you, but I love you it seems that I’m always thinking of you. Though you treat me badly I love you madly you really got a hold on me.”

Lizzie and Raphael chime in with the back up singing and is it hot in here? Because it feels hot in here.

The lyrics make Penelope’s stomach flutter. Yes, it’s a bummer that the song is ultimately sad but is this her ex saying publicly she still cares about her? The bassist knows she doesn’t have the right, but the thought is comforting and welcomed, even though she assumed the making out in a bar bathroom indicated the same thing.

Or maybe they just chose this song randomly. Maybe it had nothing at all to do with Penelope and her hoping it did made her even more of a villain than she originally planned, pun somewhat intended.

Either way this was a sort of sweet torture. With Penelope praying that Josie’s eyes would land on her. They sometimes flit her way, causing the black haired girl to hold her breath, but they never stay for long enough.

“Baby I don’t want you but I need you. Don’t want to kiss you but I need to,” Josie’s eyes seem to land on her then bounce away. Penelope’s not sure if she’s imagining this entire thing. “Though you do me wrong now, my love is strong now. You really got a hold on me.”

This whole situation is a lot but Penelope thinks it’s worth it to see Josie sing up close again. Even after their split she had spent an embarrassing amount of her time listening to the Malivore’s album. Remembering what it was like when Josie was showing her songs privately in the bedroom. Nervously explaining to Penelope what she was thinking when she wrote it. Relaxing when Penelope reacted with nothing but awe in her eyes and admiration in her words, followed by a soft, pure kiss, followed by more not so pure activities.

Penelope missed that more than anything. But the distance was too hard. She has to remind herself of that constantly.

Penelope was just a scared girl, with a lot of pressure on her shoulders. Loving Josie and worrying she wasn’t enough was hard even when she didn’t factor in the distance and the spotlight and everything else that came as baggage with their dreams.

“Baby I love you and I all I want you to do is just hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me. Tighter, tighter.” Penelope almost cries at that. She screams in her head for Josie to look at her, willing brown eyes to sing this to her.

“I want to leave you, don’t wanna stay here. Don’t wanna spend another day here. Though I wanna split now, I can’t quit now. You really got a hold on me.” 

Josie certainly has a hold on her. She is so pathetically Josie’s it hurts. Some days she thinks she won’t find anyone else on the entire planet who could even hold a candle to the brunette. She sometimes feels like maybe the universe will just keep picking Penelope up and placing her in front of Josie every time she strays too far away.

And at 24, that was too much. So as Josie finishes up the song and the group all sing out together with the hold me’s, Penelope sets her jaw, determined to not do whatever this pathetic pinning second guessing thing she was doing now.

And if she can’t shake the voice in her head telling her that she’s wrong, that Josie is inevitable, well she pushes that failure way way way back, to the very back of her cursed and pessimistic brain.

 

Josie stands on the outskirts of the red ornate rug, kicking it absentmindedly with her toe. She was nervous for their set, sure, but that was nothing compared to this right now, the anxiety she was feeling to see Penelope perform again. Something happened when Penelope performed, she closed her eyes, tilted her head back and became someone completely different then the calculated and stubborn girl Josie fought with at the bar the other night.

Josie can’t stop herself from falling for it every time.

Penelope steps up to the microphone and she has the folk singer’s undivided attention. Not that she doesn’t most of the time. Josie finds herself feeling envious of the girl, not for the first time. Of the way she seems to carry herself so flawlessly. Penelope made cool easy, and her leather jacket and tight jeans and white tee shirt looked nowhere near as forced as someone wearing the same, simple outfit would look.

A guitar riff starts up and Josie almost swears. This song, it was really unfair to choose it. The brown-haired girl watches, transfixed, as the other girl tilts her head back, bobbing to the music as if she is already completely lost in it. Then she opens her mouth to sing, “So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes. No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight So deep in the swirl with the most familiar swine. For reasons wretched and divine.”

And god is she hot. Josie is taken back to multiple lazy mornings in her own tour bus bed. Of this song with Penelope humming along between soft kisses and stupid conversations.

 

“Pen, stop singing,” She demands, “I’m trying to do something and you’re distracting me.” Josie presses her lips back into the other girls. Penelope just smiles into the kiss.

“I’m a musician, Jojo. It’s what I do.” Josie just rolls her eyes at that. 

“You’re more than just a musician.”

“Oh really?” Josie smiles and nods slowly, swept up in how silly and relaxed Penelope is right here.

“You’re also a great cook.”

Penelope laughs and shakes her head, “Try again,” she says.

“You’re a world renowned sculpture,” Josie tries, throwing on a french accent.

“Donatello who?” 

“You’re a homosexual!” Josie exclaims, confident she’s landed on one.

“Not quite,” Penelope murmurs, “But tell me, what is it they do?”

“Well, for starters, they don’t sing when their girlfriend is trying to canoodle,” Josie says, and Penelope’s laugh makes her heart stutter. She loves this Penelope. Relaxed, soft and calm. So different from her public persona, so different from the laid back badass she sculpts herself into. Josie could get used to it, opens her mouth to tell the girl when Penelope beats her to speaking.

“What if I told you this song reminds me of you?” Josie raises an eyebrow, waiting for Penelope to explain. “What if I told you that I feel the most me whenever I’m with you. That you blew into my life and made me feel… I don’t know. Less… stressed or something.”

And what can Josie say to that really? Other than I love you which she’s almost said an absurd amount of times since that first night in Earl’s. But she knows Penelope isn’t ready for it. Josie can’t handle this girl. She’s everything Josie has ever wanted. But she has to keep it light, so she does.

“Well… I’d say with my mid youth crisis all said and done, I need to be youthfully felt cause God I’ve never felt young.” Her lips attach to Penelope’s neck, kissing around her jaw. She feels Penelope’s swallow, feels her pulse flutter ever so slightly and counts it as a win.

Penelope gasps, in mock offense. “Josette Saltzman. Were you listening to this song when I was trying to get my mac on? The hypocrisy of it all is astounding.”

Josie pulls Penelope into her and grins. “You’re right. I don’t know where the heck my head was at. Let’s get this shin dig back on track.”

And when she kisses Penelope again, well maybe an amused breath against her lips is too distracting. Maybe neither of them pays attention to the music for quite some time after.

 

“She blows out of nowhere, roman candle of the wild. Laughing away through my feeble disguise. No other version of me I would rather to be tonight.” Josie feels frozen under green eyes. Penelope rarely opens her eyes when she’s singing and yet she seems to be singing this particular song directly to Josie and no one else. The folk singer doesn’t think that’s very fair. How are you going to call things off, leave her alone in a random bar, and then do… this.

“Lord she found me just in time.” Josie notes that Penelope looks sadder than she’s ever seen her. She wants nothing more than to sing along to the song. Put down everything and just enjoy this performance. See the soft and smiling Penelope again.

“Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done I need to be youthfully felt, cause God I never felt young.”

And with that line, it’s all too much. So Josie gets up to leave. And green eyes follow her from the room. As does several other pairs that Josie is just too distracted to notice.

As she passes, Lizzie gets up to follow her but she waves her twin off, not wanting to make more of a scene than she already has to.

The hallway is eerily quiet compared to the music filling the small studio space. Josie welcomes it. She lets the quiet seep into her head, tries desperately to will the sound of Penelope’s voice from her head.

She doesn’t know if that’s what she wants, truthfully, but it is kind of pathetic to want the opposite.

She walks and finds a little corridor off the first hallway. It’s completely empty, a bit low lit, and away from any sound guys who may be stumbling by. She takes a seat on a set of two stairs leading to a green room halfway down the hallway, wondering if she has to go back, if she would even survive the embarrassment of it all. Maybe she can play the whole thing off as a bathroom break? Anyone who doesn’t know her would believe it.

It’s not long before she hears someone approaching. The folk singer looks up, expecting her sister’s or Hope’s concerned blue eyes, being met with Penelope Park instead. And truly, he should have seen it coming. Inevitable. 

Josie studies her as she approaches, hopes to maybe pick up on some fear or something, anything like the sad little cocktail she is feeling right now. Instead she sees nothing, a calm mask, a Penelope Park signature. The folk singer mentally rolls her eyes.

“Hey. You guys were great in there,” Penelope says. And it triggers some sort of fight or flight response in her, just like the bar.

She leans into the fight.

“You too. The song choice was a little cruel, but you know, that’s your thing now, huh?” Josie stands, readying herself for a fight, waiting for the defensive Penelope she knows so well.

Instead the bassist softens, almost nervously. Josie is thrown for a loop. She hates how often Penelope is able to surprise her, and how easy it is for the green eyed girl to make her stomach flip.

“I didn’t sing it to be cruel.”

“Then why did you sing it?”

Penelope looks frustrated. As if she told herself not to do this. “I don’t know,” she says. And of course she doesn’t. Josie goes to flit past her but Penelope grabs her wrist. “This isn’t as easy for me as it is for you.”

Josie turns back, pissed. “What’s so hard about saying why you chose to sing a song, Penelope? It isn’t rocket science,” Josie fires back.

“Maybe I miss the me I was when I was with you. Maybe that’s why I chose it.”

Josie studies Penelope’s face and almost screams at the way she can’t even meet Josie’s eyes. How is someone so composed such a scared little kid? 

“Come talk to me when you can speak in something other than maybes.”

Josie turns, makes it halfway down the corridor. “For fucks sake Josie, just. Can you just. Not do that?” Penelope spits. And Josie can tell she’s pissed, frustrated and somewhat embarrassed. And what right does Penelope even have to feel all of that?

Josie turns back, seeing red. Penelope’s brow is furrowed and Josie snaps. Before she knows it she’s back to where Penelope is, and then her lips are on the bassist’s, and then Penelope is being pressed back against the corridor wall. If Penelope is surprised she doesn’t show it. She melts into the kiss as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. Josie thinks it truly is.

She gets that this isn’t entirely healthy, knows angry kissing isn’t the most productive thing she could do with her emotions. But Penelope pisses her right the fuck off. So Josie uses the kissing to explain all of that. She uses her lips to bruise the bassist’s. She tries to tell her that she’s being ridiculous, that she can’t deny that there’s something here, that she wishes she would just stop stomping all over her heart.

She can’t be sure if Penelope gets all of that. But god does she try.

When they pull back to catch their breaths, Josie looks triumphantly at the other girl’s bruised lips.

When green eyes flit down to her lips again, and then meet her own, Josie worries she opened a jar she won’t be able to easily close with this move. 

“Come back to my hotel room,” Penelope demands.

And it isn’t an apology. It isn’t a conversation about feelings. It isn’t entirely enough.

But Josie is 24, and when you’re 24 you’re an idiot. In what world has she ever said no to Penelope Park? So she doesn’t do anything drastic. She finds herself being tugged out a back door, pushing all logical thought to the back of her mind. All she can think about is Penelope’s hand in her own, and green eyes sizing her up, a little scared, a little in awe.

It’s all terribly distracting.

Which is why neither of them notice the flash of an iPhone camera, not when Penelope steals a kiss against a dark brick wall, not when Josie slides her hand into Penelope’s back pocket, not when they get in the Lyft together.

 

Penelope wakes up the next morning to the sound of a text message. She opens her eyes slowly, a bit groggy, feeling as if she did not get enough sleep.

She looks around, at first trying to remember where she is, then confirming she’s alone. The disappointment that washes over her is for sure a surprise.

Her phone blows up on the night table but she’s too lost in thought to bother picking it up.

Penelope doesn’t know yet if asking Josie back to her room was a mistake but she does know she would do it again the exact same way if she had to redo it. There was nothing hotter than seeing Josie pissed. The girl looked like a little angel so seeing her mad just did things to Penelope.

Josie Saltzman in her bed was nothing short of a divine miracle.

But it was more than just that. It had felt inevitable, taking Josie back, ever since the bar and ever since Earl’s before that.

A part of Penelope fears that Josie is her future. That this will keep happening until she gets her shit together and stops being a coward.

A part of her can’t wait for it, downright welcomes it. A part of her wants to ask Josie to marry her right now and just be done with all of the pining and dickish behavior.

But then she remembers she’s only 24 and her and Josie don’t have a lifestyle suited for committed relationships. On top of that, she’s inherently selfish at her core.

And terrified.

Giving someone this much power over her scares her shitless, Josie knows that and that scares Penelope all the more. She doesn’t want Josie to be in a position where she could ruin her for good. What if she never comes back from it?

Except she already is. Penelope knows that deep down. Josie owns her whole fucking ass. It’s all a bit much and yet she can’t stop it.

Her phone buzzes again and Penelope sighs, unhappily giving into the calling day.

She unlocks her phone, sees the bajillion, “What the fucks,” from Jed, the, “Don’t freak outs,” from Kaleb. She clicks on a link that her mom sent her with a, “Who's this?” attached. 

The link leads to a picture of what is very clearly her kissing very clearly Josie Saltzman in a darkened alley. She scrolls down and there’s them walking together, getting into a car, getting out at her hotel. The caption reads, “Finally, The Queer Musical Power Couple We’ve All Been Waiting For."

She very calmly locks her phone and sets it down next to her. She lays back and stares at the ceiling, feeling a proper idiot and feeling something else slightly more hopeful buried underneath.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will say that I am a writer like professionally but not this kind of writer and this is so hard. Like writing out everything someone is thinking is exhausting and planning out where to take a story is so hard. How do y'all do it? But I'm doing my own thing so no one can be mean to me. Those are the rules. We are out here. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after she sleeps with Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park wakes up in a hotel room. That much is normal. The absurd bit is that Josie is still sleeping soundly beside her.
> 
> Or
> 
> Musicians chapter three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically I realized that I did actually want to write some of their actual relationship. So that's what this is because I had some things that I wanted to set up. This probably should have been chapter two but this is artsy and I definitely did do it on purpose for sure. Sorry and I will get back to the next bit soon. Sorry for typos!

The day after she sleeps with Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park wakes up in a hotel room. That much is normal. The absurd bit is that Josie is still sleeping soundly beside her. And Penelope never did the whole spend the night thing, she avoided it like the plague. Once she hooked up with a girl she either sneaked out of their hotel room or lied about an early morning to get them out of hers.

But Earl’s had led to sex, which had led to pillow talk about any and everything. Penelope now knew exactly how Josie felt about Holes (best movie ever made), ghosts (definitely exist but so does reincarnation and an afterlife somehow), the star signs (never trust a blonde Sagittarius), and vegetables (broccoli was the best, peas were the worst). Penelope now knew how Josie broke her collarbone at summer camp in fourth grade and who she first french kissed at a middle school movie night.

Before she knew it, it was five in the morning and she was still not done talking to Josie Saltzman.

They both dozed off sometime near six, and waking up now Penelope knew she would regret the lack of sleep over the course of her upcoming day.

But she still felt light. For some reason, not stressed. Like her complete self.

And that was terrifying. She didn’t even know Josie Saltzman and here she was already letting her spend the night in her bed and get in her head and what not.

Penelope carefully extracts herself from the bed, creeping quietly to the door where her shirt was discarded early on in the night. She slips it back on and goes to the bathroom. 

She splashes some water over her face and brushes her teeth, trying to stem the panic rising in her at the situation she has gotten herself into.

Josie was in her bed, and sure she was a sort of celebrity crush but that didn’t mean she could spend the night did it?

Except Penelope had enjoyed it. Every aspect of it. The sex and the other stuff too.

Her hands feel sweaty and this isn’t her. She had to make this right. She just had to go out there and tell Josie that she had a lovely night but she had a complicated life. If anyone got it, it would be Josie. Penelope hypes herself up in the bathroom. This wasn’t going to be so bad. Worst comes to worst, Josie never wants to hook up again.

Penelope desperately hopes that isn’t the case. But she’ll manage if it is.

She steps back into the room, relieved to see Josie sitting up in the bed. She texts on her phone, not paying attention to Penelope. Her hair is wild around her face and Penelope can’t help but find it absurdly charming and adorable.

When Josie finally notices her there, she smiles and Penelope stops in her track, forgetting her excuse to leave almost immediately. Instead she says, “Hey stranger,” very lamely and not at all working towards any sort of goal.

Josie’s soft smile grows ever so slightly. “You know, that joke only works if we’re not actually strangers.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call us strangers after last night, now would you?” And oh my God, was she flirting? Because that was working exactly against her own interests.

“Well, I do know about the last time you peed your pants. So I suppose not.”

After this next line she’ll stop. And Josie Saltzman won’t be charming anymore. “I told you that in confidence. You promised it stayed in this room.”

Josie laughs and looks at Penelope, mischief in her eyes. “I suspect a Penelope Park secret could get me a lot if I play my cards correctly.” Penelope can’t help but smile back, uselessly flustered by her name from Josie’s lips. When the folk singer stands from the bed, collecting her clothes, Penelope leans against the door frame, tracking her movements.

She steals herself to start the conversation, opens her mouth to sober the moment, but Josie beats her to it. 

“So what happened last night can’t happen again.”

And Penelope was about to say the same thing, but the hurt still rings, tried and true. She nods, swallowing against whatever is in her throat. Josie reads the reaction accurately, the disappointment, and Penelope hates it.

“I had a really great time. And I admire your work so much and wow you’re very hot. But I travel constantly and if we were seen together it would be a lot to deal with. So I think it’s best if we’re just friends. I’m sorry.”

Josie looks so worried, her brown eyes shining with the fear of confrontation, and something deep inside Penelope seems to whisper I think the fuck not to the whole friends thing. But she shoves that deep down, and covers it with a signature Penelope Park mask.

“Josie. Relax. I get it. I’m not over here about to pledge my undying love. We had great sex together, yay us, but for me that’s absolutely all it is.”

Penelope thinks Josie looks simultaneously relieved and disappointed. But that could just be her projecting her own hopes.

“Okay… great. It was just sex.”

“Just sex,” Penelope confirms. Josie nods, and pulls her pants on, doing up the button as the bassist starts going through her makeup bag, mostly for something to do.

“Well I guess I’ll see you around,” Josie says, stepping into her shoes and heading towards the door.

“Yeah,” Penelope confirms. And she doesn’t know why she does it, truly she doesn’t, she must just have had too much idiot juice sometime recently, but as Josie touches the door handle, Penelope finds herself opening her mouth one last time.

“And maybe if we’re in the same city anytime soon, we can have strictly just sex again.”

It’s a lame line, maybe the worst, but somehow it puts a twinkle into brown eyes. “Deal.”

 

It becomes a bit of a thing. 

Josie will learn that the Villains will have a gig in the same city that the Malivores are in. She’ll get a bar name, she’ll show up, she’ll go home with Penelope or Penelope will come home with her.

Josie marvels at how easy it is. Not just the sex, but the being around Penelope part. She thinks the fact that it’s so easy is what makes it so difficult. Because sure, it had been Josie who had said it couldn’t happen at first, but something about being around Penelope was intoxicating enough to make it consistently repeat. 

It definitely was not a relationship. They were both very clear about that. But Josie wasn’t sure these days what made it different from one.

She guesses that she was free to sleep with other people if she wanted to but she found herself doing it less and less. Not in a planned way, just in a way where when she was chatting other people up at parties or bars she always seemed to find a problem with their lack of green eyes, or cute smiles, or raspy voices or general Penelope Park demeanor.

Which happens to be a problem in and of itself, Because Josie knows she can’t have Penelope in that way.

Except why not really? Sure it would be hard but so was just about every aspect of life in your mid twenties.

Josie knows she’s not the only one with reservations about what they’re doing and that’s why it can’t happen. Knows that the bassist worries even more about every aspect of their arrangement. It’s almost comical, how someone who tries so hard to seem so unaffected is a complete and utter control freak about every last detail of her life.

Infuriatingly enough, Josie finds that quality attractive too.

So in a word her situation with Penelope is complicated. Which is why Josie finds herself at a good old-fashioned house party on her one day off. She’s not alone, the rest of her band are there as well. Some creative something or other, Nia, who MG used to date was throwing it. Josie was determined to do two things: get trashed and hook up with some stranger. She was already succeeding on the first.

Hope and Lizzie are going shot for shot with her, the three determined to have a stupid and trashy night and Josie feels so content right there on a strangers leather sofa. Raf and Landon were off playing pong and MG had flit off, ever the social butterfly, almost immediately upon arriving.

Josie marvels at Lizzie’s calm demeanor, surprised her sister is so chill with MG loose in a party hosted by an ex. The old Lizzie would never have been able to handle it. Josie suspects it’s the tequila that’s helping.

“I trust MG. How can you not with a face like his. Plus you don’t hit this and forget about it,” Lizzie jokes when asked about it. Josie smiles, grateful that some kind of fate like entity brought MG and Lizzie together. They really balanced each other out.

Around their fifth shot is when Josie spots a cute boy with curly black hair across the room. He’s standing in a group of people, and Josie thinks it’s about time to initiate phase two of her two step plan.

She stands, patting Hope on the head as she goes. “Welp, if you’ll excuse me, I have a very tight itinerary for the evening and I just found my second destination.”

Hope and Lizzie follow her eyes, her twin laughing and the red head letting a small smile loose. “Now Josette,” Hope begins, and Josie is sure she doesn’t like where this is going, the full first name is almost never good in this crew, “Do you really think that Darren Criss wannabe is going to force Penelope Park from your thirsty little brain.”

Lizzie snickers and Josie gasps in mock offense. The brown eyed girl often times hates how well her bandmates can read her. “Thirsty is a bit harsh.”

Lizzie laughs, “Please, you think about Penelope Park morning, day, and night. In an emotional way too. You are emotionally thirsty for Penelope Park and that’s worse, Jo.”

“I am not.”

“Are to.” Hope nods solemnly. 

Josie rolls her eyes. “I’m gonna go over there and be emotionally fully quenched with that random boy. You two are going to stay here and be emotionally dick heads with your tequila alone.” 

Her sister and friend laugh as she marches away. “Be safe,” Hope yells and Josie smiles to herself. Yeah, they piss her off, but it was nice being understood by the people around her.

To prove some sort of point, either to herself or to her friends she’s unsure, Josie skips the sheepish entries and just sticks herself in the group next to the cute boy. She does her introductions, confident in a way the tequila provides, and learns that his name is Ryan. And Ryan is friendly in a flirty way, so Josie lets it all go straight to her head.

Before long, the rest of the group has wandered off and Josie stands with her back to the wall talking to Ryan about their favorite mythical creatures. And when he says something flirty about her being mythical, Josie is kind of into it. Until she looks up and catches his brown eyes and there’s just something so off about it.

So she looks out at the rest of the party goers, bashfully, ready to get their conversation back to somewhere platonic for the time being. And her eyes latch onto green and she almost swears.

Because of course Penelope was at the same fucking house party as her. Why not, right?

 

Penelope wouldn’t consider herself a jealous person. In fact she never got jealous, not in any of her past relationships. So when she sees Josie chatting away with Ryan Clarke in a quiet corner at a giant house party, the feeling that worms its way through her veins throws her for a loop.

Sure, Ryan is a douche. She would be unhappy with him talking to anyone she even knew. But this was something new all together. Because when Ryan says something, evidently charming, and Josie puts her hand on his arm and throws her head back to laugh, Penelope wants to spit in the stupid boy’s face.

So that was new.

She didn’t have any claim over Josie, prided herself over the very opposite. She and Josie were just having sex occasionally.

Except occasionally was actually at every single opportunity they could find. And the just part of just sex also included talking and hanging out and stuff.

But Penelope was still seeing other people. Except she wasn’t really. Well, she had since she met Josie but less and less since their arrangement continued and she hadn’t in a while and she hadn’t even been trying to hook up with anyone at the party before she stumbled upon this little scene.

So now she’s torn between two options, either she could walk away, forget that she ever saw this and find someone else to hook up with, find MG along the way and make sure Josie didn’t go home with the tool, or she could go interrupt Ryan and Josie herself.

The first option is the safer one. And it proves to herself that Josie Saltzman does not have a hold on her. So she settles on it and is about to walk away and follow through, but then brown eyes latch onto her and she’s stuck.

Penelope finds herself walking towards the pair, against all better judgement. She thrills slightly at the way Josie’s eyes seem to widen in surprise.

The bassist feels the taller girl clocking her annoyed state, knows she can tell that Penelope is jealous, hates the way it makes her eyes shine, hates the way she finds that attractive.

When Penelope arrives to the pair, she ignores the amused girl in favor of the boy. “Clarke, I didn’t realize you would be here. I wouldn’t have come if I had.”

“Penelope, lovely to see you as always,” Ryan responds evenly, and Penelope would love nothing more than to slap the smarmy smile from his face.

Instead, she schools her features into a sickeningly sweet smile. “I didn’t know you and Josie knew each other.”

“We just met,” Josie chimes in, “How do you know each other?”

Before Penelope can speak, Ryan beats her to it. “I’m a friend of Park’s ex, Nia. She’s who threw the party.”

At this, Josie’s eyebrows raise. Her amused smile seems to grow and Penelope curses herself for stupidly stumbling into this situation.

“Interesting. So you must go way back. You know, Ryan, Pen and I actually had something music related we had to discuss,” she flashes him her most adorably smile and Penelope hates that he even gets to see it.

She wants to immediately slap herself for even thinking that.

“If you’ll excuse us,” Josie announces, all demure smiles and polite voiced. She lightly grabs Penelope’s elbow and leads her through the party. And the bassist would be a fool not to follow so she does.

Her only saving grace is the annoyed look on Ryan’s face Penelope catches when she turns for one last look. She shots him a conceited smile and mocking wave.

Josie pulls them into some random bedroom and Penelope raises an eyebrow but Josie just ignores it.

“You and MG have the same ex girlfriend.”

Penelope rolls her eyes. Of course that would be Josie’s take away here. “She was never my girlfriend.”

“That’s incredible, I can’t wait to tell MG,” Josie taunts. A smile tugging at her lips.

“Is that why you dragged me in here, to tease me about that?”

“No. I dragged you in here to tease you about being jealous,” Josie grins and Penelope hates the way her heart stops. It’s a weird mixture of fear and attraction she’s feeling right now.

“I’m not jealous.”

“You are. It’s kind of adorable.”

Penelope rolls her eyes, fighting off a smile. “I don’t do jealousy. Ryan’s just a loser. You deserved to know.”

Josie smiles, not buying it, and Penelope’s heart beat picks up ever so slightly. “Penelope Park, jealous over little old me,” Josie ponders. Penelope groans.

“Do you want to hook up or not.” She states bluntly. It does nothing to sober Josie, who doesn’t seem to be willing to let anything go anytime soon.

“Is she pretty? Nia? I’ve never seen pictures of her,” she asks, looking directly into the bassist’s eyes.

Penelope rolls her eyes. “Obviously she’s pretty. Everyone I sleep with is.”

“So now you’re calling me pretty?”

And Penelope doesn’t know why she says it, is probably playing with fire, but the alcohol and Josie’s annoying attack must have lowered her defenses or something. “I think you’re stunning.”

Josie’s smile softens into something small and sweet. She looks away to collect her thoughts. “That was charming, Park.”

“Charming enough for you to sleep with me?”

Josie laughs, the magic gone. She makes eye contact with Penelope and the bassist finds herself holding her breath. “I’m not sleeping with you in a strangers bedroom at a house party.” And the disappointment that works its way through Penelope is not even slightly welcomed.

Before she can make a dismissive remark, Josie opens her mouth to speak again. “My hotel room is about ten minutes away.”

Oh. Okay. 

So Penelope follows Josie from the room in a move that is sickeningly familiar. Another town, another drunk night, another hotel room to escape to.

“I can’t believe Lizzie and I have the same enemy now,” Josie jokes and Penelope snorts.

The bassist can’t help feeling like something was said tonight but not exactly with words and not exactly with her express permission.

 

They spend occasional off days watching dramas and rom coms. Penelope grumbles about being dragged into it, but here she is cuddled into a bed with Josie wasting a day doing nothing. Josie knows she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want to be, which makes the grumbling all the more entertaining.

“There’s no way this one is going to be good, you really expect me to think a singer can carry a drama?” The bassist teases, Josie reacts with mock offense.

“Bold statement from someone who was just crying at Steel Magnolias not forty-five minutes ago,” Josie says smugly.

“I didn’t cry.”

“Did to. It was very pure.”

“Yeah well I was crying at Sally Field not Dolly Parton so you know, it doesn’t change my assessment. Dolly was not carrying the drama, she was carrying the… hair stuff,” Penelope crosses her arms, ready to die on this hill.

“Sure, Pen.” Josie grins and turns back to the tv, selecting the Bodyguard and pressing play. Penelope lets out a long and exaggerated sigh. Josie rolls her eyes, “If you’re not having fun you can leave.” Penelope snuggles herself deeper into Josie’s side.

“It’s just… she’s a pop star,” Penelope sneers. Josie eyes the bassist, judgmentally. She pauses the movie.

“Whitney Houston is one of the greatest artists of all time. Her voice is unparalleled and you better start speaking about her with more respect if you ever expect to see me naked again.”

“Okay lets not be too hasty here,” Penelope says with a twinkle in her eye. Josie sits and turns, facing Penelope with a challenge in her eye.

“I want you to say here and now that she is musical genius,” she says, raising a brow. Penelope thinks she looks so attractive here. She decides to piss her off a bit more.

“I need a man who'll take a chance on a love that burns hot enough to last is not only a cringe worthy line it is also not very feminist.”

“She’s just talking about what she personally wants in her own life. There’s nothing inherently sexist about demanding passion. Plus all your old school standards have some incredibly offensive lyrics.”

Penelope gasps, offended. “Be very careful Jojo,” she warns.

“I know that a woman's duty Is to help and love a man And that's the way It was planned? It’s hardly groundbreaking for the feminist movement.”

“Okay I know that you’re winning the argument, but honestly you quoting Aretha at me is really doing it for me.”

“Really?” Josie laughs as Penelope nods and hums, placing a kiss where her jaw meets her neck. She tries not to get distracted as Penelope works her way across her throat. The bassist pauses and pulls ever so slightly away fro Josie.

“Don’t stop on my account.”

Josie shuts her eyes, trying her darnedest to concentrate.

“I run for the bus dear, while riding I think of us dear.”

Penelope scrapes her teeth on her neck, making Josie’s voice shake. “Chain, chain, chain, chain of fools,” Josie says and Penelope smiles before moving lower, kissing her way between collar bones. Josie is having a hard time focusing on anything else. Penelope stops after a beat.

“Jesus christ, you make me feel like a natural woman.” Penelope laughs but it succeeds in getting her to continue, moving down to kiss her way across Josie’s chest. When she starts to slow down, Josie panics.

“Like a bridge over troubled water.”

Penelope pulls fully away and Josie almost whines before remembering that she has pride that she’s trying to keep in tact.

“That’s a cover, it doesn’t count,” Penelope teases and Josie is so into this idiot girl. She props herself up on her elbows and makes eye contact with Penelope, a twinkle in her eye.

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T,” She says slowly, overly seductive, and the laugh that Penelope lets spill out makes Josie’s heart flutter.

When Penelope returns to what she was doing, Josie couldn’t think of any lyrics by anyone, including the ones she herself had written, even if you paid her.

An hour later they’re still in bed and Josie finally remembers something, “We’re still watching the bodyguard.” Penelope lets out a dramatic groan and yet once the movie starts, her eyes are locked to the screen. As Penelope tears up at the emotional ending, Josie thanks the Sunday gods to be spending the day right there.

 

Without her even noticing, Penelope and Josie begin hanging out in public and with each other’s friends. Penelope worries about it less and less. Being friends with the Malivores is something she never knew she needed, and yet it’s so easy.

Everything regarding her and Josie spending time together has been.

It’s as she’s sitting on the tour bus, somewhere in the middle of Kansas, eleven months into this non-thing with Josie, that Jed inevitably tarnishes it. “So, where’s the old ball and chain this week, east coast?”

“I don’t have a ball and chain Jed, I’m a free woman,” Penelope responds, not looking up from her book, “If you’re asking about Josie, she’s on break for a little bit.”

“Yeah right,” Kaleb scoffs, “You’re whipped for Josie and you have been for almost a whole year, it’s ridiculous.”

“Josie and I have amazing sex together. You ever heard of that? Sex? You two should try having it sometime. The Malivores are fun to hang out with, it’s nothing more than that.” Penelope fires back.

“We totally believe you,” Jed says, an unsubtle amount of sarcasm dripping from the sentence. “We definitely do not think that you have your wedding vows already planned for Josie and we definitely do not think that you will write a lullaby to harmonize on when you both are putting your kids to sleep together.”

“Jed, I’m going to have to ask you to shut the hell up.”

“Listen Park, I don’t know what kind of bullshit you’re on but we don’t care if you do love Josie” Kaleb says, “It’s impressive if anything. She’s like way out of your league.”

“I don’t have a league. I am above leagues.” Jed laughs at that and Penelope shoots him a death glare. Penelope’s phone dings from the table beside her. Before she reaches it, Kaleb scoops it up.

“If you and Josie are so casual than why is she blowing your phone up?” Jed laughs as Penelope stands up, trying to grab the phone away from Kaleb. It dings again and Kaleb looks at the screen, laughing. “Dear Penelope, it is me, your dearest Josie. I am so delighted to have found such a love as yours. I never thought I would find a bottom as bad ass and scary as you in this world of power tops.”

Penelope almost throws hands. She rips the phone from Kalebs hands, who immediately holds his up in surrender. Jed snickers from beside them.

“Call me a bottom again and you won’t live to see another day.”

“There’s no shame in it, Jed’s one too.” Jed’s smile only widens as he shrugs.

Penelope rolls her eyes at how childish and dumb they are. She glances at her phone, seeing the texts are actually from Dorian and reading them over.

“Shit. It’s Dorian. Apparently something cropped up and The Mombies are dropping out of the Ann Arbor show. We’re going to have no support for that night,” She announces. It sobers the mood.

“Well shit,” Jed so eloquently responds. The three sit in silence for a moment.

Kaleb clears his throat, “If only we knew a group of musicians, a similar age to us who are currently on break from touring,” he says, faked sorrow lacing his words.

“No,” Penelope says.

“It would be one show Pen.”

“No, I’m not asking her.”

“Them. We would be asking them.”

“No.”

Jed smiles, knowing that it’s the best option. Penelope curses herself, coming to the same conclusion. “Give your girl a call Park.”

“Fine, but she’s not my girl.”

“Whatever you say,” Kaleb allows.

“And not that it’s even remotely your business but I’m verse. It’s only fair.”

“Amen.”

 

Josie can’t say that she expected the call but she’s glad she got it, glad to be standing on the stage here and now. 

There’s a certain energy that comes from a Villain’s show. Josie’s not sure if it’s just that their fan base is different or if she gets a thrill from performing in the same place as Penelope. It’s probably a combination of the two.

They’re just finishing the end of their set and Josie feels on top of the world. She leans into the microphone as the band around her tune up their instruments. “For this next one we’re going to do something a little different,” she announces and the crowd reacts positively. “We know the Villains are a bit more into the classics than us, so we wanted to honor that with a cover, something a little bit more upbeat than we’re used to, if that’s alright.”

The crowd screams their consent. 

Josie giggles at their enthusiasm. “Great,” she breaths, “Here goes.” 

Landon begins picking out a light guitar riff and Josie lets the feeling take her over.

“For once in my life I have someone who needs me someone I've needed so long.” And she of course thinks of Penelope, because when is she not. In that moment with her singing an old Stevie Wonder song, and the crowd eating it up, Josie feels lighter than she has in a while. She closes her eyes as she continues, moving to the rhythm.

In the next moment, the crowd goes wild and Josie forces her eyes open to see why. The Villains have charged the stage and are jumping around happily to the song. Jed pretends to whip his hair next to Lizzie as she laughs and Kaleb throws an arm around a grinning MG.  
Penelope is dancing right towards her and Josie lets a large smile spread over her face. She laughs through a note before getting the song back on track. Penelope dances with her and the crowd screams.

When she sings, “For once in my life I wont let sorrow hurt me, not like it's hurt me before,” she sings it straight to a smiling Penelope and she knows it doesn’t have any extra meaning but it still feels light and true.

And when Josie passes off the mic and Penelope sings, “For once I can say this is mine you can't take it,” Josie thinks maybe there’s an extra twinkle in her eye, maybe Penelope can feel what she can feel. That this right here is easier than breathing and Josie is tired of pretending like it isn’t.

In that moment all is right.

It doesn’t come crashing down around her until the next day. Until she wakes up to instagram notifications from random people tagging her in show posts. Josie scrolls through a few, noticing that a lot of them are similar.

Her and Penelope singing directly at each other. Her and Penelope sharing secret smiles. A look in their eyes that’s a bit more than friendly.

The captions range from “OTP.” to a bit less PG options and Josie feels a weight settle in her stomach. She knows instinctively what will happen next.

So when Penelope starts pulling away from her, it’s no surprise. And when she’s dumped shortly later in a hotel room, she’s hardly shocked.

But the hurt still comes. Along with the confusion. Because how exactly do you get through a break up with someone who was never expressly your girlfriend. Yet somehow it always, always felt like they were so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our gay dumb idiots. Thanks so much for reading! Sorry that this didn't fully progress the plot but it sets up some things and we're all just here for a good time anyway. I think there will be two more chapters and the next one should be up sooner rather than later. Heart you all!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well what if in the long run, this is the lesser of two pains?” That’s what it all boiled down to for her. What if she was being selfish wanting Josie in the first place. What if she was never meant to step into her life and make it into what she’s made it.
> 
> “What if it’s not? What if you and Josie end up old and gross, making out in dirty bar bathrooms at the ripe old age of seventy-eight?”
> 
> Or
> 
> Folk singer/soul singer part 4!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see if Penelope pulls her head from her ass shall we?

One time in fifth grade Josie’s mom got her a giant bucket of glitter pens for her birthday. Everyone in glass buddied up to her in the hopes that she would let them borrow them. Lizzie, who had originally made fun of Josie wanting school supplies for her birthday, started telling everyone in class that Josie, the girl with the pens, was her sister. It got to the point where Josie couldn’t tell who in the class was her friend and who was just using her. After the initial warmth of popularity wore off, it was sort of an exhausting nightmare.

The publicity that came with sleeping with Penelope Park felt a lot like owning a bucket full of glitter pens.

Sitting, at long last, in her own bedroom in her own Brooklyn apartment, Josie realizes she hadn’t had a quiet moment since the tabloids snatched up the pictures of her and Penelope leaving the bar together. Everyone had questions for her, wanted interviews with her, the band, whoever knew her even a little bit. It was all a little bit ridiculous considering her and Penelope were both just medium famous.

She guesses medium famous plus medium famous equals big famous in the music industry.

One would think that being in the eye of a mini hurricane such as the one Josie found herself in would cause a certain someone to respond to her texts but evidently not. It had been a week and she hadn’t heard a word from Penelope Park.

She wasn’t surprised in the slightest. Josie knew Penelope well enough to know that something like this was bound to scare her even more. She just wished the bassist could get it through her thick head that Josie was scared too.

This would be ten times easier to deal with together.

Hope and Lizzie and MG and Landon had all tried to talk to her about it, tried to comfort her after going through similar situations when each of them paired off with each other. Raf had tried to cheer her up by being goofy, just like he did every other time she had her heart broken, but there was something different about this.

Or maybe Josie was being dramatic because everything about her relationship with Penelope felt so different. It’s complete own entity with a mind of its own.

Her feelings for Penelope, this whole situation, it felt humongous. And she wished Penelope would just answer her god damn phone so that maybe she could get down to the thick of it and see if Penelope thought so too.

There’s a knock on her bedroom door. Before she can answer Lizzie walks in, holding yet another magazine. Josie sees the bubble in the corner of the cover with the picture of her with her hand in Penelope’s back pocket.

For some reason the tabloids had really latched onto that picture in particular. Josie secretly loved it. She liked how comfortable she looked with Penelope in it. It really painted the picture that her and Penelope had been secretly together for a long time. While that’s true, she wasn’t sure how much she loved how easy it was to pick out in a picture.

“It’s almost like they have nothing better to write about, the fucking losers,” Lizzie spits, throwing herself onto Josie’s bed, “I mean come on, the planet’s dying but this is news?”

“They’ll tire of it eventually,” Josie sighs.

“And what about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Will you tire of Penelope Park eventually?” Josie inhales deeply, taken aback by the bluntness of the statement. But that was Lizzie Saltzman, Blunt and to the point.

Josie turns the question over in her mind. She wants to believe yes, she will tire of Penelope. It seems only logical that one day her dismissals won’t hurt, that Josie will stop holding out hope that Penelope will turn around and realize that commitment wasn’t that scary when you found someone who was worth it. That Josie was worth it. That one day, Josie wouldn’t feel so trapped under Penelope’s stupid hold.

But logic never seemed to really come into play when it came to the two of them together.

So she shrugs at her sister. When Lizzie hits her with the classic stare, expecting her to elaborate, Josie sighs. “No, I don’t think so. I think that I’m in love with her.”

And saying it out loud is both a relief and a burden all wrapped into one. Because she doesn’t just think she loves her, she knows she does. And god how pathetic was that?

Josie had become just the opposite of what she’d always wanted. Some sad fool pining after a hot and unobtainable commitment-phobe. How cliche, and how utterly embarrassing.

At least it would give her creative fodder. Just think of all the sappy songs she would be able to write now. At least seven albums worth.

She lets out a sniffle and blue eyes hone in on her downtrodden expression.

As Josie sits there feeling sorry for herself, Lizzie’s jaw sets, pissed. “Satan is not allowed to do this to you. You are hot and talented and she pines after you like a lovesick sucker. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, it’s embarrassing for her.”

“Lizzie.”

“No, Jo, this has gone on for too long. No fuck boi girl is gonna step on a Saltzman’s heart just because she’s a scared little baby. She can’t just ignore you and leave you to deal with this PR nightmare on your own. Why should she just get to ignore it?” A small smile slips onto Josie’s face, her spirits raised by how aggressively her twin has always cared.

“There’s not really too much I can do about it,” Josie says lightly.

“You could go to her, demand that she talks to you.”

“I have no idea where she is,” Josie argues.

“She’s at her apartment for the next week. At least that’s what Kaleb told MG,” Lizzie states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

And this is all very interesting and sitting here thinking about it is not fair. She has emotions god damn it and they deserve to be heard. She shouldn’t be stewing in her thoughts just because Penelope was too scared to face their situation like a grown up.

So she nods her head. “You’re right,” she agrees and her twin smiles, happy that it didn’t take more gassing up.

Twenty minutes later she finds herself at Penelope’s door. And she normally would take a minute to think things over and maybe not be so rash, but all she has been recently is quiet and safe. That was how she was the entire time she was seeing Penelope and that did just about nothing for her.

She pounds on the door and hears some movement inside and when the door swings open, green eyes widen, clearly not expecting her.

Josie brushes it off and glides past Penelope into the apartment. For a moment she is distracted by the feeling of being surrounded by Penelope’s belongings in her space once again, but she pushes that to the back of her mind.

“Josie,” Penelope says, and the fact that she sounds at all calm pisses Josie off. How was she going to ‘Josie’ her when she had been ignoring her for an entire week?

“Look Pen, not trying to be crazy but I really think that after everything I deserve at least a small chat.”

Penelope nods, her eyes scanning the ground, guiltily, “Yeah, I guess you do.”

“Yeah.” And Josie kind of loses what she wants to say. She didn’t really plan out the conversation, getting over here and having Penelope’s ear was farther than she thought she would get.

 

“Have you been getting as much attention as I have for the last week,” she asks the bassist.

“Yeah I suppose I have.”

“And do you have a plan for moving forward?” And the discomfort in Penelope’s eyes is so typical it hurts. She lets out an unkind laugh.

Because even after all this time, Penelope can’t even admit that there’s something there that they would even need to construct a plan for.

 

 

Penelope expected her day to go smoothly. She had a set idea of avoiding the media, smoking some weed, watching Broad City and grabbing dinner later with Nia. She was not going to think about Josie Saltzman. She was not going to think about what to tell the media in regard to her relationship with aforementioned folk singer.

So when Josie shows up at her doorstep, it really throws a wrench in those plans. It’s an ambush that Penelope is entirely not ready for.

And with a cruel laugh, and a dismissive look, Penelope is ready to argue. Isn’t that always the story with them?

“I don’t know what exactly you want me to say,” she spits and she can tell it takes the brunette by surprise. But instead of leaving like Penelope knows it would be easier if she did, Josie takes a step closer.

Somehow that’s the scariest part of this conversation. That no matter what, Josie always takes a step closer.

“I want you to be honest, just one single time.”

“When have I ever been anything but honest with you?” And Penelope herself doesn’t even believe what she’s insinuating with that. Because she’s not sure she was never honest with herself about Josie let alone with Josie herself.

Maybe she should try. She doubts it could fuck anything up any more. 

There’s something in Josie’s eyes that Penelope has never seen before. It makes the bassist feel like the taller girl can see right through her, like she knows exactly every game she has ever played and every mask she has ever worn. Like she doesn’t even have to be honest anyway, Josie doesn’t need the help.

Penelope thinks she may have jumped in too deep. She steals her self for whatever she’ll encounter where she lands.

“Do you want me?” Josie asks bluntly, and Penelope could lie, she really really could. But not a soul in the room would buy it.

“Yes.”

“Is there anyone else that you want as well?” And the sudden dash of fear in Josie’s eyes is almost amusing it’s so not necessary. 

“No.” 

Penelope watches brown eyes harden. “Then I don’t understand what the problem is,” Josie states, practically begging Penelope to make her comprehend.

But it’s not as simple as just wanting Josie or not. Of course she wants her. Weeks and weeks of dangerously intimate encounters and a year of history before that proves it. But she also knows for a fact that she will ruin Josie Saltzman. With her immaturity and her selfishness and her fear. She worries that she already has. She can’t be the person who does that, she just can’t. 

“The problem is this makes no sense. I barely know what I want for breakfast everyday. I almost never know where I’m going to sleep on a given night. That doesn’t really scream committed relationship material now does it?”

“God Penelope, you’re so fucking hard headed, aren’t you? I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m just asking you to say you care about me. That’s all that I want.”

“That won’t be enough for everyone else.”

“Who?”

“Everyone.”

Josie softens, looking bone tired but with a hint of understanding in her eyes. “Well I don’t particularly care about everyone else,” she takes a step forward. Penelope hates the way she can’t stop her eyes from latching onto Josie’s lips, even if she had wanted to, “I care about you.” Penelope’s heart lurches.

She’s tantalizingly close now, it’s almost impossible for Penelope to not reach out. So she doesn’t strain herself. She places the softest kiss she’s capable of on Josie’s lips, scared that she’ll shatter another moment if she’s any bit more persistent. 

Josie deepens the kiss and whatever they had been talking about flies right from Penelope’s head. She feels like some idiot in a rom com thinking things like that but it’s true, Josie Saltzman makes her brain stop working correctly without fail. Time and time again, as if there’s no way to develop any type of resistance to her.

When Josie pulls back all too soon, Penelope feels dazed. “You don’t kiss people you’re indifferent about like that,” Josie says sadly. Her fingers brush over Penelope’s jaw and it’s so soft the bassist may cry but she doesn’t quite know why. “I care about you, Pen. It’s truly that simple. If anyone understands how messy your lifestyle is it’s me. So just stop making it harder than it has to be. We could make it simple together.”

Without waiting for a response, Josie turns and breezes from the room as quickly as she came in. Penelope can’t help feeling like she just ran a marathon. On top of the world but at an all time low.

 

 

It’s waiting to be interviewed for a radio station that Josie realizes her relationship with Penelope is like some sort of wave. A push, a pull, and then they wait. She was in the waiting period now. Waiting to see if her argument with Penelope would make things better or keep them the same. A push, a pull, a wait. The waiting was the most infuriating part.

She’s lost in thought over it all when Hope shakes her shoulder, checking to see if Josie is good to go on. She nods and shoves her worrying to the back of her mind, able, at least, to stop thinking about Penelope for a fifteen minute interview if she sets her mind to it.

Thank God for small miracles.

Except God has a wicked sense of humor apparently. The interview is all going well and good, the interviewer himself is a bit of a tool, a cocky British man named Devon who thinks he’s way funnier than he is. But Hope, Landon, Raf, and MG are making the best of it, doing their best to carry Josie through her bad mood and keep Lizzie from saying anything genuinely hurtful to the guy.

Josie almost lets herself enjoy the interview, amused at the way Landon and Raf keep whispering into the microphone like smooth-voiced morning talk show hosts. Almost being the key word. Devon eventually fucks it all up.

“So, I would be royally screwing over our viewers if I didn’t ask. Penelope Park,” he blurts out, a slimy glint in his eyes. It comes out of left field and the blood drains from Josie’s face, all rushing to the tips of her ears. He stares at the singer, waiting for her to continue. The rest of the band shifts, not really knowing what to do.

“That’s not really a question,” Josie tries to deflect. Devon laughs as if they’re old friends, sharing an inside joke.

“Well, the pictures that swept the internet a week or so back looked to be pretty intimate. A lot of people wrote in asking us to ask what your relationship with Ms. Park is like. For those of you who are unaware, Penelope Park is the lead singer of the Occasional Villains, a band who we here at the station completely adore,” his pompous, fake-ass voice makes Josie want to pounce.

Penelope had once complained to her about coming on this show, calling Devon an idiotic douche clown, a direct quote. Josie would love to bring that up, to throw in Devon’s face that he wasn’t well respected.

But she was schooled in the art of subtlety, knew when to hold her tongue. “That’s fairly personal I’d say.”

Landon clears his throat, trying, like a good pal to get Devon to move on. Devon is seemingly bad at taking hints.

“A lot of our listeners are young. The only reason I ask is because having a woman loving woman power couple dominating the music industry could be such a positive influence for so many gay youth,” he mansplains. And Josie is sure this man knows nothing about gay youth, doubts he has an ounce of substance in his slimy little head.

Lizzie opens her mouth, ready to step in and tear this guy down. Josie silences her twin with a hand on her arm. Instead, the singer lets out a surprised breath, shaking her head. She decides to try and politely educate.

“I am openly pansexual and have been my entire career. Several other of our band members have been open about their own non-straight sexualities many times in the past. We try to advocate for all of our LGBT plus fans. We are role models already regardless of the relationships we’re in and try to carry that responsibility with us into every new project we do and new experience we have.” Hope not-so-subtly snaps her fingers. Devon nods his head.

“So you are in a relationship with Penelope Park then? Because I heard she was a bit of a wild child, not to be tied down.” And Josie almost screams. The complete lack of professionalism this guy possesses is astounding.

“Penelope is an incredibly talented performer. We are huge fans of the Villain’s music, all of us. We are all good friends, we really share a lot of the same world views. For example, after coming onto your show, The Villains were all telling us about how insufferable Devon from the station was. We all get why they were saying that now. I think that’s all the time we have for today, thanks for having us on,” Josie stands and takes her mic off. The sound guys count them off as all the other band mates begin to follow suit, seething.

“That was great. Our sponsors are going to eat that up,” Devon can’t seem to quit while he’s ahead.

MG is able to calm Josie with a hand to the wrist, and Landon practically scoops Hope from the air to keep things civil. Raf however, is across the group from Lizzie so Devon ends up with a slap to the face in the end, regardless of their efforts.

By the time they’re getting into the car in the parking lot Josie has about a million notifications on her phone, all involving her saltiness about Penelope Park. 

“I could go back in there. Rearrange his face a bit. It would probably be an improvement, the ugly ass little goblin,” Lizzie keeps up a near constant stream of grumbled threats. Josie admits it’s slightly comforting.

The rest of the band tries to comfort her too but she waves them off, wanting to be lost in her thoughts about the bassist. Her thoughts seem to be stuck there more often than not. 

She wonders if this will change anything between the two of them, knowing the backlash from this little stunt will be a PR nightmare for Penelope yet again. She has a hard time forcing herself to care too much. So what if Penelope has a hard time explaining to the public why sweet little Josie Saltzman is mad at her?

It was Penelope who dragged her from the cover session to hook up in her hotel room, leading to the tabloid blow up. And if Josie thought about it, it was Penelope who asked her on tour, and Penelope who joined her on stage, causing people to ship them in the first place. And even before that it was Penelope who complimented her in Earl’s. Who told her that she had wanted to kiss her for a long time, and then Penelope who invited her back to her hotel room that very first night.

It was Penelope who had made Josie fall in love with her, Penelope who exposed them, Penelope who broke Josie’s heart. She was just along for the ride.

So yeah, no, she doesn’t care if this is a bit of a mess for Penelope for a week or two. Josie had been living in the mess that Penelope made for quite some time now. Because loving Penelope was the biggest hot mess of them all.

 

 

Penelope finds herself at a fancy party a few weeks later, sipping on champagne and wishing she was smoking weed instead. This wasn’t really her scene, she would much rather be somewhere trashier, but Nia was having a fundraiser and Penelope came out of fear of losing the only female friend she currently had.

And a dash of love and respect for her friend and her hard work perhaps.

And maybe the knowledge that Nia had another famous ex, an ex who she was still on good terms with, an ex in a certain folk band.

Penelope wasn’t proud to note that she had listened to Josie’s interview on repeat for hours. Heard the sadness in her voice and the effort it took to talk about their relationship. She had lived in that guilt for the past few weeks.

She had had her fair share of scrutiny in the wake of Josie’s Devon take down. Penelope had loved the way that Josie had stood up for herself. Devon was a twat and he completely deserved the hate. But she had to admit, it did make her life harder. Everyone wanted to know if she and Josie were together, if she was going to marry her one day or perhaps break the folk singer’s heart. Penelope tried not to dwell on how much it hurt hearing that, and knowing it wasn’t far off in the slightest.

The fact that her and Josie ran in the same social circles made things worse. She walked around in public on eggshells, not sure if she was hoping to run into the folk singer or trying desperately to avoid her.

What she did know was that she had been being asked about her status with Josie constantly. By authors wanting to pen articles, and radio DJs wanting to be the first to crack the code. It was always in the forefront of her mind.

The ones that were the hardest to be approached by were the fans. They often came armed with bright hopeful eyes and nervous voices when asking Penelope about the folk singer. She wished she could give them anything.

In truth, more than anything, Penelope wishes there was good news on the Josie front. She was straight up exhausted. After the brown-eyed girl had shown up to her apartment, she had felt frazzled, unsettled in a way that should be familiar at this point in terms of how Josie made her feel. Penelope found that she could just never seem to get her footing with Josie.

She wondered if that boiled down to the fact that she was maybe defying fate. That perhaps, everything would just click into place if Penelope stopped killing herself trying to avoid Josie. But she only let herself fully consider those thoughts at night, alone, in the dark where thoughts were just thoughts that didn’t require immediate action.

To sum it all up, currently she was confused. Torn between wanting to say fuck it all and give into the pull that was Josie, and wanting to play it safe and cling even harder to the ways she’s aways known.

A part of her wonders if it even matters, if chasing Josie was worth it when she knows she’s already been enough of an idiot to warrant Josie never wanting to talk to her again.

She supposes the fact that she’s here, at an event that would make perfect sense for the Malivores to attend, perhaps more sense then if she went, provides her answer. So she waits, her eyes scanning the crowds every so often before she has to remind herself to remain cool. People probably think she’s having a breakdown.

She guesses she is just a bit.

It’s not long before Nia finds her, to thank her or tease her for coming, Penelope can’t tell.

“Well look who the cat decided to drag in,” Nia says, and Penelope can’t help but smile, leaning in for a quick and friendly hug.

“I guess I wanted to see how you’re slumming it these days.” Penelope shoots a disdainful look around the elegantly decorated room, “Cute,” she sneers, biting sarcasm dripping from her words.

Nia snorts, “You wish you could pull this off.”

“Sure,” Penelope allows. 

They both drink from their glasses, smirking with their eyes. Penelope decides now is as good a time to ask as any.

“So, who else here have you had sex with. Other than me, I mean.” Nia snorts at Penelope’s awkward question.

“Now I know Penelope Park isn’t jealous.”

“Morbidly curious, let’s say,” the bassist shoots back. And she loves this, the easy back and forth they have. She misses this when she’s constantly surrounded by Jed and Kaleb. Granted, she would kill and die for them, but they didn’t do banter the way that Nia did. The way that someone else in her life did better than anyone she’s ever known.

“Well, you know one person here I’ve slept with.” Penelope hums. There it is. So MG is here. Before she can press, Nia moves on, “You know, I do kind of love that one of my ex’s is dating my other ex’s ex’s sister, it’s all very convoluted and exciting.” And even just a mention of Josie stills Penelope’s heart for a beat. 

She shakes it off, pushing forward, like she always does.

“I don’t know if I would call you and I exes.”

“When your mouth has been where mine has, you’re not exactly friends either.” Penelope looks away, her smile twitching in amusement. She doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence. Has never felt the need to explain herself with Nia. Their relationship was never complicated, it was always just easy. She barely even knew what the word easy meant anymore.

“I noticed that you didn’t argue against Josie being your ex,” Nia states. Penelope did not miss this bluntness. This whole I’m going to call you out on your shit thing Nia had going for her.

“Yeah well, with Josie it’s complicated,” Penelope explains.

“I bet.”

“She’s just. It’s never been just anything with Josie. She’s different or something. I don’t know…” Penelope trails off, trying to keep it vague.

Nia lets out a deep, knowing laugh. “It’s almost like you’re in love with her and want to be with her and want to make her happy or something,” she states.

And there it is. That truly is the one thing Penelope wants, just Josie. And deep down Penelope knew it but just hearing it from Nia is somehow simultaneously more scary and more comforting than knowing the fact on her own. Nia had always gotten Penelope in a no-pressure way. Hearing it now from her friend, made it momentarily carry that lightness with it.

“Yeah almost.” She confirms, barely above a whisper. And admitting it makes it suddenly so real it hurts.

But of course Nia hones in on the awkwardness with which Penelope addresses her emotions. She watches the way Penelope can’t even make prolonged eye contact and has a hard time refraining from rolling her eyes.

“God bless Josie Saltzman. She must have the patience of a saint.”

Penelope nods, “Let’s hope.”And those two words feel a lot bigger than just two words. 

“How about this Penny, how about you just get your shit together,” Nia says, a thesis boiled into an offhanded jab. Penelope nods, not being able to summon enough energy to argue back. Nia was right, Penelope needed to buck up.

They chat for a little while longer, thankfully not about Josie but Nia eventually has other people to entertain. She can’t really be expected to spend the night pulling Penelope’s head out of her ass for her. 

After the other girl leaves, the bassist feels as if something has shifted inside of her. Between the casual way that Nia poked fun at her obvious feelings for Josie and the harsh way she told Penelope to grow up, Penelope finally feels like her thoughts are ordered. Like she is finally ready to talk to Josie. She just hopes Josie is willing to bare with her through the mess of mumbled declarations that this conversation will inevitably be.

She just hopes she’s here and that she’s able to find her somewhere in this obnoxious crowd.

 

 

Josie, somehow, winds up chatting up a very pretty girl with perfect curly hair and twinkly green eyes that are so close to being right. Somewhere along the way she must have gotten a bit tipsy off of free champagne because she is laughing a lot but the girl, Sasha, isn’t really all that funny.

The singer ignores the way her stomach keeps flipping every time she thinks she catches raven hair in the crowd. Every time she hears a close-call low voice, every time she thinks she smells a hint of lavender perfume.

And Josie is really proud of the way that she’s successful. That she pushes the thoughts to the very back of her mind and instead focuses on the pretty girl in front of her. She feels like a bit of a different person, how intent she is on getting this girl to her hotel, how easy all of this could be if she just stopped obsessing over a certain bass guitarist.

And so she leans into Sasha’s ear and lets it be as easy as it truly is. “Would you like to come back to my hotel room with me,” she asks and Sasha’s nod is not exactly a relief, but it doesn’t cause her dread either. She doesn’t think about how the last time she asked someone to her hotel room she had been someone else entirely.

She doesn’t harp on that at all.

Yet because fate is a tricky little bastard, it doesn’t stay easy for long. When she catches black hair, and calculating green eyes watching her from the drinks table across the room, well things get ridiculously complicated.

Josie holds Penelope’s eyes, willing it not to hurt. Willing it to be just that, an awkward stare and nothing more. Josie would love to just get on with her night. But instead, something sets in Penelope’s eyes and she starts marching towards Josie.

The folk singer couldn’t move if she tried. In what feels like a second and what feels like an era, Penelope is in her front of her, and Josie doesn’t know what to say. She goes with, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Penelope says back. And they stare for a second more. A cleared throat from Sasha breaks the eye contact.

“Right. Penelope, this is Sasha, Sasha, Penelope Park,” Josie introduces, lamely. It stings to say in an obnoxious way.

Sasha goes to stick out her hand, but Penelope interrupts quickly, “Hey, may I talk to you for a second?”

And of course, Penelope would come over and derail her night and immediately try to get her alone. “Is it terribly important?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m kind of busy.” The implication in Josie’s words paints hurt across the shorter girl’s face. Josie curses herself for feeling bad. Why should Penelope get to be upset that Josie is finally trying to move on? It’s what she’s pushed for all along.

“It will only take a second,” Penelope says. Josie studies her for a moment and she looks so unlike the guarded girl Josie has come to know. She looks… well she looks downright vulnerable. And Josie can’t turn off her curiosity at that anymore than the next guy. 

“I’ll be right back, just grab your bag and I’ll meet you back here,” She says to Sasha, and though hurt flashes across her face, she nods and walks to the bag check. 

Josie follows Penelope through the crowd into a fancy looking door. It leads to a bathroom and once she realizes that, Josie snorts.

“Bathroom, of course, very on brand for us.” She means to keep it light but Penelope doesn’t laugh, instead she looks nervous, frustrated, and confused, a truly deadly cocktail.

“What are you doing with that girl,” she blurts out, and Josie knows it’s sick, but she gets a sort of dark satisfaction from the fact that Penelope is jealous, knows it means she cares.

“I’m taking her to my hotel room.”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“I wish you wouldn’t do this now,” and there’s a bite to her words, mostly from anger but also meant to make this all easier. Because if Josie is mad at Penelope it hurts a lot less than if she just loved her without that added on top. “You lost the chance to ask me to not go home with someone else.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Penelope says and it’s almost a whisper. Josie doesn’t fully know what to say to that. I’m sorry doesn’t really cover the mess this whole ordeal has been. But Penelope reacting like this, soft and sad, well Josie is completely lost.

“What are you doing, Penelope?” It comes out sadder and softer than she intended and hoped.

Josie feels she ages thirteen years waiting for Penelope to respond. “I don’t know,” the bassist admits, “but I’d really like to figure it out with you.”

Josie studies her ex. Is this girl fucking serious? She begs for weeks on end for Penelope to be honest, to be vulnerable and open about her feelings and finally, right before she’s about to hook up with a beautiful girl, Penelope drags her into a random bathroom and says she wants to figure things out. The timing is uncanny.

And that’s when it clicks. The timing is truly too convenient to be true. Josie laughs.

“I am going to go home with that girl,” she states, nodding to herself to prove it’s true. She takes a step back, ready to leave the bathroom.

“Josie. Don’t, just. Come home with me instead,” and there it is. Exactly what she thought. The truth of the whole matter.

“I’m not fucking you and pretending like nothing else is important,” Josie nearly spits, truly angry now, “I have real fucking feelings.” Penelope reacts taken aback.

“No, that’s not what I meant. I know you have feelings.”

“Really, so you notice me flirting with someone and come to break it up and then propose that we go back to a hotel room and I’m supposed to just believe that it has nothing to do with you being jealous and you wanting to ruin my life even further?”

Penelope looks like she’s going to cry but Josie isn’t done. Hopes that the girl does in fact cry because the hurt that she’s feeling right now deserves to be felt by the both of them. “Fuck off.”

“I’m not trying to just hook up with you because I’m jealous, that’s not what this is,” Penelope insists quietly, her eyes barely able to meet Josie’s.

“That is exactly what it has been every other fucking time Penelope, and you using the fact that I have feelings for you against me right now is low, even for you.”

In another life Josie imagines Penelope would make some kind of innuendo about that. The confident girl she fell so stupidly for would have. But this Penelope in the fundraiser bathroom, is so small, Josie almost drops everything and just hugs her. But she doesn’t. She can’t, she’s been burned too many times by Penelope to not know better by now.

“Jojo, please just. I’m not trying to just have sex with you.”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“I just, I care about you.”

And it’s everything that Josie wanted but she just can’t find it in her to believe that it’s real. Because at the end of the day, they’re still in a bathroom and Josie is still unsure where she stands. So she makes up her mind and she prays it’s the right decision.

“I am going to go back to Sasha. You should go be with your friends,” she finally says, barely above a whisper. And Josie somehow convinces her feet to carry her to the door.

Penelope’s voice one last time stops her with her hand on the handle, “I’m sorry I messed this up so bad.” Josie is relieved to note that her voice doesn’t sound so small. That at least Penelope is confident in that apology.

And Josie doesn’t want to ruin the bassist completely. Would never be intentionally cruel to someone she loves. So instead of walking from the room without another word, like she probably should, she lets out a soft, “I’m sorry we both weren’t ready for each other.”

Josie walks from the room with her head held high, and makes her way back over to the girl she left before.

She offers to buy her a cab home and apologizes for not being able to follow through. Then walks quickly from the party, hops into a Lyft, and doesn’t look back even though she knows there is so much she’s leaving behind.

 

 

She was the mom friend for the night, so Penelope morally cannot leave the fundraiser. For this reason alone, she finds herself sitting on the steps of the venue, crying as silently as possible in the dark by herself.

When she feels someone settle behind her, she expects Jed or Kaleb. When she looks up and finds Landon Kirby instead, Penelope is shocked and also embarrassed.

She wipes her eyes quickly, not wanting a friend of Josie’s to feel the need to comfort her for breaking his friend’s heart.

Landon just watches her panic steadily. “I’m a good listener, you know.” He offers simply. And suddenly Penelope’s crying again but much uglier sounding now. Landon doesn’t wrap an arm around her, doesn’t try to wipe her tears, he just sits there quietly, waiting.

When Penelope stops crying she doesn’t open her mouth. So Landon sits and waits some more.

There’s a comforting energy that radiates off of him and for some reason Penelope finds herself wanting to explain herself. Not in a guilty way, just in a way where she knows that if she can make Landon understand it, she will understand it herself.

“I care about her I really do,” she says, and Landon lets that sit for a beat, so Penelope continues on, “Like more than I’ve ever cared about anyone care about her. But I am so scared. I’m terrified.” She states.

Landon nods and ponders it, “Do you know why?”

“I think it’s because I’ve never felt this way before. And I’ve lost so much just being in this industry. I don’t have a stable life, I don’t see my family anymore. I go home and I feel like I barely know everyone there. Like they all continued on the same but I’m just so different I can’t just come back and continue how I used to.”

Landon nods, “And you’re afraid that’s your fault?”

“I’m afraid I don’t try hard enough to keep things the same. That it’s my fault I lose touch with people because so many people have stakes to my time,” Penelope explains, and thankfully it all feels true. She feels lighter letting it out.

“So you don’t want to let down Josie.” Landon says it as fact.

“No,” Penelope confirms steadily, “I really don’t want to hurt her.”

“Yeah okay, but you realize you’re hurting her and yourself in the process, right?” And Penelope had considered that. Had worried it over several months. Had convinced herself multiple times that the hurt wasn’t worth it. But a slight maybe continued to hold her back.

“Well what if in the long run, this is the lesser of two pains?” That’s what it all boiled down to for her. What if she was being selfish wanting Josie in the first place. What if she was never meant to step into her life and make it into what she’s made it. Landon looks at her, studies her. Penelope thinks he can see her soul.

“What if it’s not? What if you and Josie end up old and gross, making out in dirty bar bathrooms at the ripe old age of seventy-eight?”

Penelope snorts. She can see it so clearly. Maybe not the old ladies making out part, but a life with Josie. Skyping from the tour bus and running through airports to see each other sooner. She could have a happy, safe, lovely life with Josie Saltzman. And she wants it so desperately bad.

Penelope gets lost in the thought long enough for Landon to chime back in. “Plus, it’s not exactly one hundred percent your choice. You and Josie should be having this conversation, weighing the pros and cons, together,” Landon explains.

And that’s when Penelope remembers the conversation she had with Josie less than an hour before. She remembers the sadness in Josie’s perfect brown eyes and her tipsy and sad heart aches wickedly painfully.

“It doesn’t matter. I hurt Josie too bad. She doesn’t trust me anymore.” The memory almost starts Penelope crying again. One time, she stole a toy from someone in her first grade class that she later learned was given to the kid by his dead grandmother. This guilt was like that guilt times eighty.

Landon laughs, shaking his head. “Josie is secretly a dramatic little bub. She just needs you to go all out. She’s a big gesture kind of girl. She needs you to really say you care about her and really say it loud before she agrees to listen.”

“So I have to pull some cheesy 80s movie bullshit?” Penelope asks, crinkling her nose and causing Landon to chuckle.

“Do you really care about her?” And who would have thought that she would be having this conversation with Landon Kirby, stupid, goofy, and honest Landon Kirby.

“I’m in love with her.”

“Then we’ll call you Ferris Bueller.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gasp, has she done it? Has she gotten her life together? What a dumb idiot. Honestly the both of them. Anyways, thanks for reading this gay disaster. I think there will be one more! Heart you, bye!!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope was always nervous for a show but this was potentially the most nervous she had ever been. She wasn’t this nervous the first time The Villains performed, the first time she was on television, or the first time she spoke to the girl she would probably spend the rest of her life loving.
> 
> Or
> 
> The final musicians AU installment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. A gay and grand gesture. Will it pay off? Will our idiots be slightly less dumb? Lets find out! I hope this is okay! Sorry for any typos and thanks in advance for reading!

Josie isn’t sure how anyone had persuaded her to come back here. She swore up and down that she wouldn’t do it. And yet she finds herself standing in a field in rural Virginia, once again waiting to take the stage at Pasture Palooza, the event that just two short years ago had essentially ruined her life.

Josie knew why she was there, if she was being completely honest. She was there because she was a god damn fool. A fool who didn’t learn. Who knew how bad for her being in the same state as Penelope Park was, let alone the same festival.

She couldn’t seem to stop gravitating her way towards Penelope, being in situations where she knew she could potentially catch a glimpse of her. She spent half the time trying to convince herself that it was out of her control, that coming to a festival where her ex was performing was just a business decision. She couldn’t have known any better.

The other half of the time she spent scolding her self for being such an idiot. What was that old saying? Fool me once shame on you. At this point Josie had been fooled a million times over. The one shaming her was her own damn self.

Josie finds it odd that she can’t seem to put Penelope away, to rid her from her life. She spends an awful lot of time hating Penelope and an awful lot of time hating that she doesn’t actually hate her at all. She wishes for the thousandth time that she never met Penelope.

She wishes that the bassist wanted her back.

The folk singer also finds it weird the looks her bandmates have been periodically sending her.

“What,” she says to Hope when she finds the red head studying her, a knowing and slightly shit eating smile on her face.

“Nothing, I’m just excited to be here,” the drummer responds.

“I’m excited to be here too!” Landon exclaims a bit manically. Josie studies him like he’s grown a second head.

“Well I’m not. I’m here to sing a few songs and then go home and lock myself inside for a whole week,” Josie grumbles.

“You mean sing a few salty songs, to Penelope Park,” Lizzie corrects and Josie rolls her eyes.

“For the final, please dear god, time, I’m not singing Give Me One Reason to Penelope. I’m singing it for myself,” and it sounds fake even to Josie’s ears.

“Sure…” Raf says, suspicious.

“I suspect you’re not going to want to sing it all after,” Landon blurts. The rest of the band turns towards him, eyes flashing.

“What is that supposed to mean,” Josie asks, her brow wrinkling with confusion.

“The hobbit never makes sense,” Lizzie says quickly, “Let’s warm up.”

She strolls past the group, bumping Landon roughly with her shoulder as she passes. Everyone else quickly follows, Landon like a scolded puppy.

That was stupidly suspicious. But there’s no telling why Lizzie is mad on any given day so Josie doesn’t try too hard to put all the puzzle pieces together. The singer pushes her concerns to the back of her mind and follows the rest of her band to start with their ritual, too preoccupied with the idea of a flash of green eyes to really be as nosey as she should.

 

 

Penelope was always nervous for a show but this was potentially the most nervous she had ever been. She wasn’t this nervous the first time The Villains performed, the first time she was on television, or the first time she spoke to the girl she would probably spend the rest of her life loving.

Talking to Josie in the bar that day two years ago had been up until now the scariest thing she could even imagine. Telling her that she wanted to kiss her was nothing short of a miracle. As if the good lord himself squeezed on her throat to force the words out, knowing that if she could eventually stop being an idiot, it could lead to something really close to perfect.

But this was scarier. Because essentially she was doing the same thing but eleven times more intense. 

Telling Josie that she liked her, was drawn to her… wanted her was one thing. Asking Josie to take her back, to love her, well, that was a whole other animal.

What if she couldn’t love her? What if Penelope had pushed Josie too far away this last time.

What if Josie decided she was better off without Penelope in her life? Terrifying.

But she had to try didn’t she? Because that’s what people in motherfucking love do. They throw all their fears out the window in the hopes that by some slim fucking chance they’ll get to be happy.

Penelope wanted to be happy. She wanted more than anything to make Josie happy. And she knew she could do it, could excel at it if she really put her mind to it. Because loving Josie is the easiest thing she’s every done.

Not being a complete dick about it took a minute, but the love itself was easy.

Penelope smiles waiting in the wings. She steady’s her heart, each beat a new thought. Josie is stunning. Beat. Josie is kind. Beat. Josie is an infuriating smart ass. Beat. Josie is strong.

Josie is so much that Penelope is positive she could power her heart forever. And how fucking gay is that?

Kaleb sees Penelope smiling to herself and worries deeply for her sanity. “You okay there, Chief?” He asks, concerned.

Penelope nods, weirdly calm. Sure she’s terrified, but for the first time in a long time it’s a good scared. Laced with excitement and anticipation as opposed to shame.

“Did you take some Xanax or something, because you’re awfully calm for someone who may get their heart stepped on within the hour,” Jed says. Kaleb punches his arm, annoyed, Penelope just smiles.

“Either way I’ll get an answer right? So let’s just get on with it. You ready,” she wonders and the boys nod. Penelope has never been more grateful to them, her fear safely at bay when they are here to stand by her side during this idiotic fool’s errand.

Kaleb grabs Penelope’s arm and smiles at her, “We’ve got this,” he assures. She grins back.

“Hell yeah we do,” the bassist and drummer respond.

Jed smiles, “We’re gonna make this show our bitch.” 

“Hell yeah we are.”

“Fuck anyone who doesn’t think we’re great,” Penelope says softly.

“Fuck them!” The boys are practically screaming and Penelope laughs along.

“Except for Josie. Her thoughts matter a ton tonight.”

“Fuck everyone except for Josie!” Jed screams and Penelope laughs. They all stand there, locked into a perfect moment. Penelope is sandwiched between Jed and Kaleb and she lives for this moment, feeling completely supported and loved by them. The normal fear they feel before a show is laced with something so much more heavy and yet somehow so much more hopeful.

They breathe it in and then it’s time to go on stage. Riding the wave, they run out, and when the crowd screams, Penelope absorbs it into her skin, letting their excitement buzz through her limbs. She can’t keep a smile from her face.

The closer to the mic she gets, the slower and harder her heart thumps in her chest. She swallows it all down and is somehow able to talk like a normal human.

“Hello you guys,” she murmurs and the crowd screams. Penelope smiles, “We are the Occasional Villains and we are so dang excited to be here.”

Penelope has to step back from the mic, the crowd welcomes them for so long and Kaleb and Jed shoot her encouraging grins, relieved that this is somehow not falling apart around them.

Penelope leans back into the mic, “We actually wanted to do something a little bit differently tonight if that’s alright with you guys.” Screams. “We wanted to take this time to be a bit more honest. Opening up is so scary but we trust you all and we want you to be a part of the things that we have going on.”

The crowd bubbles, half excited at whatever Penelope has to say, half confused as to why no music is happening.

“So basically what I wanted to say is… I’m in love.”

Penelope has to turn around the screams are so loud. She laughs with Jed and Kaleb, overwhelmed by it all.

“And I think a lot of you can guess with who.” And Penelope thinks some brains may have exploded. She’s beginning to wonder if this was her worst idea yet. If her career will be ruined when the crowd inevitably pops both of her ear drums and/or laughs in her stupid vulnerable face.

“I have been a complete idiot. I have pushed away someone that I really care about because I was afraid to be honest. And afraid to lose control and afraid to lose myself in the process. I don’t know.”

The crowd absorbs her every word, shellshocked that they are getting so much from the guarded bassist right now.

“Anyways, I wanted to say that I am sorry, and I don’t want to be scared anymore. So we’re going to sing something a bit outside our comfort zones if that’s cool with you.” The crowd may lose their voices before the Villains even begin playing. “So um, here goes,” Penelope finishes lamely.

The crowd murmers, excited and ready for whatever is about to happen.

Kaleb’s hands draw a slow piano line from the instrument. Jed comes and stands beside Penelope, this arrangement not calling for drums until the end of the first verse. He grabs Penelope’s shaking hand and smiles at her, his big idiot smile. She takes a steadying breath and then gives into this crazy and stupid moment in earnest.

 

 

Josie isn’t completely sure how she got here. One moment she’s angrily kissing Penelope in a dirty bar, then she’s climbing out of her bed, dealing with the press, walking away from Penelope for what she assumes is the rest of forever, and now she’s here, in the grassy back area of a Virginia music festival, listening to her ex girlfriend say that she’s in love.

Brown eyes turn to her band mates, trying to add it all up. Did she miss a step? Is she dreaming and she doesn’t realize it? Because it sounds to her like Penelope Park just announced that she was in love to a field full of eager listeners and an uncountable amount of smart phones.

And did she imply that she was in love with Josie? Because she knew it. She knew that Penelope had feelings but she never in a thousand years thought she would hear the stubborn bassist admit it.

“What the hell is happening?” Josie turns to Lizzie, and then Landon, and then MG and Hope and Raphael, almost angry. Because how was her brain supposed to keep up with this? 

Infuriatingly enough, her band mates just smile at her, mostly knowingly, like they’ve known their whole lives this was going to happen, like it was inevitable.

“Did Penelope just tell a field full of teenagers that she loves me?”

“Yeah she did,” MG confirms, almost nervously.

“Because she totally does,” Landon tacks on, excitement brimming in his eyes.

A piano line starts and Josie barely registers it, she turns to her sister, begging her to make sense of the confusion swirling in her brain.

“Lizzie, you heard that right? Penelope just very publicly declared her love for me?”

“Well, she didn’t say your name, but I think it was heavily implied that it was you, yeah,” Lizzie states, a grin on her face. “Mighty lucky of her, if you ask me. I had a hit put out on her for being a dick to you but I guess I can call it off now.”

Josie shakes her head, trying to clear it. She takes a steadying breath, trying to center herself. That’s when she hears the piano line, and that’s when Penelope begins to sing the first line of the song.

“Oh my fucking God,” Josie breathes out.

“Share my life, take me for what I am. Cause I'll never change all my colors for you.” Penelope’s voice floats through the air like honey. Josie’s brow furrows so deep she may get a migraine. 

“Take my love. I’ll never ask for too much. Just all that you are and everything that you do.”

“I’m dreaming. I’m fucking dreaming. Or I’m in a coma right? How’d I get hurt?” The rest of the band just watches Josie, delighting in her freak out.

“I don't really need to look very much further. I don't want to have to go where you don't follow.  
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside. Can't run from myself there's nowhere to hide,” the bassist continues. Josie does mental backflips trying to comprehend this sequence of events.

“Penelope Park is not singing Whitney Houston right now. I must be having a stroke,” Josie states, and the rest of the Malivores laugh. Josie looks around waiting for someone to explain that this whole thing is a joke. Then the drums filter across the grass and the Villains really start going for it.

Hope grabs Josie’s hand, grinning. The taller girl barely registers it. She thinks somewhere along the way she must have blacked out. Everything around her seems to move in slow motion.

“Don't make me close one more door. I don't want to hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare, or must I imagine you there?” And suddenly, as if brought on by a wind or something, Josie is pissed. How is there not a single thing that Penelope can’t sing? This song delivered in her gravelly voice nearly makes Josie’s knees buckle and that’s when it sinks in that this must be actually happening.

There’s no faking the reaction Josie has to Penelope’s voice.

And who gave her the right to do this anyway? To break Josie’s heart with her thick skulled ways and then come here, to the place where they met, to make such a grand gesture Josie had to address it. The nerve of it all is astounding.

“Don't walk away from me. I have nothing, nothing, nothing if I don't have you,” Penelope sings and that’s when Josie starts marching towards the stage. She didn’t walk away from anyone. Penelope made her choices. And now Josie is a woman on a mission. She just isn’t sure if the mission is murdering Penelope or marrying her.

For better or for worse the band jogs after her. The three boys and Hope nearly skip along, ecstatic at this change of event. Lizzie fusses over Josie the whole way to the stage. “You got to look hot if you make any kind of scene, it’s the Saltzman way,” she stresses.

 

 

“You see through right to the heart of me. You break down my walls with the strength of your love,” she sings, and Penelope almost cringes. She hates that she has become the type of person who can relate to these lyrics, arguably the cheesiest lyrics she’s ever heard.

Except she doesn’t hate it, she loves it and that’s maybe the most cringe worthy part of it all.

"I never knew love like I've known it with you. Will a memory survive? One I can hold on to?” And it’s true. What she feels for Josie is so consuming it terrifies her in the very best way. She prays to God she gets more than a memory of Josie. She wants every single thing the girl is willing to give her. Every bad joke and ugly moment and holiday and awkward silence. She would take all of Josie’s… back pain if that was all she was willing to give. Beggars can’t be choosers.

“I won’t hold it back again, this passion inside. I can't run from myself there's nowhere to hide.” She hates how much she feels that, she hates that she’s not even doing this ironically. 

She loves it. She loves it. She loves it.

Somewhere during the song she had closed her eyes, singing every word like she means it because she does. She grabs onto the mic stand for dear life. Amazingly, she feels the crowd right there beside her, their support palpable. Fuck going to the Grammy’s, this is the craziest moment of her life.

She opens her eyes and looks out into the crowd to really be in this moment, to really feel it like the hippie she’s always tried to be. She turns around and takes in Jed and Kaleb’s faces, their joy and their pride and their undying support. She lets out a laugh as her heart squeezes in her chest.

“Your love I'll remember forever,” Penelope sings as she catches brown eyes in the wings. Her heart catches in her throat but she doesn’t look away. This is the most honest she’s ever been and she prays that Josie can tell. 

“Don't make me close one more door, I don't want to hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare, or must I imagine you there? Don't walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing,” and she swears she sees a smile on Josie’s lips, or is it anger? She can’t really tell. She hopes for the first one and leans most of her weight onto the Microphone stand, breathing deeply, gearing up. For a brief moment she’s scared about her voice cracking, because god is this key change a bitch. It’s a welcome reprieve from all the panicking she’s doing.

 

 

This maybe was a mistake. Penelope Park, up close, singing Whitney Houston in her signature focused, lost in the music way, did irreparable things to Josie’s heart. The sight is something straight from an absurdly bizarre fairytale and Josie soaks it in from the stage wings, not even breathing for fear that the moment will end.

Penelope singing about needing Josie in her arms is nothing short of a miracle and in this moment, Penelope looks more relaxed, and more like her self than Josie has seen her in the last two years. Her eyes well up.

When green eyes lock with her own, Josie sees that Penelope is terrified. But behind that she sees something more sure, something steady. It takes her breath away. It disappears quickly as Penelope scrunches her eyes in concentration.

“Don’t make me close one more door, I don't want to hurt anymore,” Josie lets out a really ugly sound, some sort of half sob half laugh, at the key change.

Of course she killed it. Josie would not fall head over heals in love with a girl who didn’t know her way around a key change.

“Stay in my arms if you dare. Or must I imagine you there?” The tall girl doesn’t think staying in Penelope’s arms would be much of a chore. The green-eyed musician is the whole package. It’s almost infuriating how perfect Josie finds her in this moment. She’s breathtaking, and a real piece of work. This girl is a true headache. She is impossible to keep up with.

Josie loves her. Like really loves her. 

“Don't walk away from me, no. Don't walk away from me. Don't you dare walk away from me,” Penelope sings like she’s about to cry, and something in Josie short-circuits. Without her brain giving any sort of directions, Josie’s legs are bringing her out onto the stage. The crowd nearly rages at the sight of her, so beyond themselves with this entire experience.

Penelope is watching Josie approach like she can’t believe her own eyes. She finishes the song as Josie paces closer, slowly and cautiously. “I have nothing, nothing, nothing if I don't have you,” Josie arrives beside Penelope as she sings. “If I don’t have you, oh.”

The second the last note is out of Penelope’s mouth, Josie can’t help herself and her lips are on Penelope’s. The crowd’s screams dull in her ears until she can’t hear anything but white noise.

Josie doesn’t notice the crowd raging around them. She doesn’t notice the Malivores coming on stage and hugging the Villains, all grinning and jumping around like someone just won the Super Bowl.

She doesn’t notice anything past the hand curled softly into the hair at the back of her neck and the lips against her own. She feels her heart beat pump slow and steady in her veins, and moves one hand to Penelope’s chest to feel her own dangerously fast pulse.

Josie pulls back, smiling and opens her eyes. Penelope’s flutter open a moment after and Josie thinks, not for the first time, that the bassist is the prettiest girl she’s ever seen. Long eyelashes brushing up lazily to unveil nervous, unguarded, green eyes will forever make the folk singer feel drunkenly powerful.

Penelope’s lips soften into a smile. “You liked my song,” she teases softly.

“Whatever, Kevin Costner.”

“How the fuck am I the Kevin Costner in this situation?” Penelope asks, bordering on offended. A laugh bubbles it’s way out of Josie’s lips and she looks away, flying with happiness.

That’s when her eyes land on Landon excitedly playing Jed’s drums behind them which reminds her of where she is. Feeling suddenly nervous, Josie looks out to the crowd celebrating around them. Sound floods back into her ears. The audience watches expectantly, many with phones stuck out before them.

Josie leans into the mic, clearing her throat, “Um hi everybody. That was a really… good performance. Solid for sure. You should all check out the Bodyguard if you haven’t seen it. Enjoy the rest of the show.” Josie does an awkward wave. “Bye.”

The crowd laughs and so does Penelope. The other band mates hug goodbye, the Malivore’s wishing the Villains good luck on the rest of their set. Lizzie waits on the edge of the stage for her twin.

Josie turns back to the bassist who still looks deliriously happy. “I knew you liked pop,” she says quickly. Penelope rolls her eyes. Josie leans in to place a quick kiss on full lips. “Anyways, I think you have time for one more song so make it count.”

“Maybe I should just sing that one again. It really worked out for me the first time.”

“I just love Whitney Houston.”

“Oh is that it?”

Josie pretends to think, “I maybe sort of love you too.”

Penelope beams. “Maybe sort of?” Josie leans in to whisper in the other girls ear and the crowd stirs.

“Come find me at Earl’s later for the full scoop.”

Kaleb and Jed are now yelling at her to leave. Josie sheepishly waves to the crowd. Penelope winks and just like the first time that happened on this stage, Josie’s heart momentarily stops. Before she can make any more of a fool of herself, she turns and jogs towards the wings.

The brunette can’t keep the smile off her face as she crosses the stage. It grows impossibly large when Penelope jokingly whispers, “Guys be cool, that was her.” A soft and light Penelope Park is more than she ever thought to ask for.

At that moment, Josie feels the lightest she has ever felt in her life. 

And oh, she gets it now. She doesn't want to sing her salty song after all.

 

 

Years after the Whitney Performance, Penelope will ask Josie to marry her one night on accident. Josie will be teasing her about how Hozier is a pop musician so technically Penelope has loved pop all along, and it will just slip out of Penelope’s mouth unintentionally and breathless. And Josie will pull a ring out of a hidden drawer and glare at Penelope for beating her to it when she was the one who did all the planning.

A year after that, at their wedding, Lizzie will make a Maid of Honor speech so borderline offensive that Penelope shoots champagne come out of her nose. Jed will bumble his way through his speech, and Landon will make an impromptu toast where he tells everyone that he is the only reason this wedding is happening in the first place. Josie will have the DJ jokingly play Whitney Houston when it’s time for their first dance, and Penelope will glare until he switches it to Our Day Will Come like the two decided. Penelope and Josie will pull an irish goodbye half way through until their closest friends and family find them still in their wedding gowns in the bar across the street an hour later.

Years after that Penelope and Josie will both be sleep deprived but completely and obsessively in love with their little baby girl, Mavis. Josie and Penelope will harmonize to Mama Said until she finally, God willing, falls back asleep. Please God, they're so tired.

They’ll share holidays and tours and fights and dogs and period products and tiny apartments and endless hours together.

But before all of that, after the festival, later that night at Earl’s, they’ll share a make out session in the dirty and cramped bathroom. It doesn’t take Josie long to get Penelope in there, the bassist doesn’t mind after all. And it’s their dingy bathroom. They claimed it as their own.

The sink against Penelope's back feels like home and the vodka-laced kiss promises forever.

When brown eyes twinkle and ask to be taken home, well Penelope doesn’t know what feeling lodges itself into her throat but she knows it’s addicting and she thinks she needs it to live.

Because this? Josie Saltzman, soft and happy and lovely and with the tiniest hint of mirth in her eyes? It’s her very favorite song. And if there was one thing Penelope knew, well it was good music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay. Thank you guys so much for reading this story. Each and every comment, kudos, view, whatever has really meant so much to me. I just really love this ship and have never had the energy to write fan fiction before so this has been an interesting experiment. You all have been incredibly supportive along the way! Comments help me try to be better and hopefully I will write some one shots soon. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, heart you, be gay, catch you on the flip!

**Author's Note:**

> Welp here's this. Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed and I am working on improving for the future. And also on getting gayer. I'll maybe continue with this but idk where it's going yet so bear with me. Thanks, heart you, bye!


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